


A Year in the Life

by TwistedRocketPower



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedRocketPower/pseuds/TwistedRocketPower
Summary: To celebrate ten years together, and moving into their forever home, Dan and Phil decide to release a self-made documentary of the past year. Unlike anything they've ever done, this video will show the good, bad, and everything in between.





	1. Month One

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, if I post a note at the end of my first chapter, it shows up in every other chapter, so I'm putting it up here instead. Let me know how you like the story so far! Your feedback is so important to me!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques

**October 23, 2018**

“Are we recording?”

“We are.” Phil lifted the camera so it was at eye level. “Would you like to explain to the people what we’re doing, Daniel?”

Dan laughed. “How formal. Well, they kind of already know by the name of this video, Phil.”

“They still need an explanation! We can’t just upload a ridiculously long video with no explanation.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. We are filming a year in the life of Dan and Phil to lead up to ten years of knowing each other.”

“Ten years of Dan and Phil!” Phil exclaimed.

“Oh my God, time is going by too fast. We’ll all be dead soon.”

“Okay, let’s not worry about that right now. Keep explaining the video.”

“Oh, right, now’s not the time for a crisis. Um, so basically, we wanted to do a documentary of sorts that kind of shows our lives for the next year. It sounds really narcissistic, actually-”

“No!” Phil interrupted with a laugh. “No, we don’t mean for it to be. We just thought this would be a great way to thank you guys for spending this last decade with us-”

“Don’t say decade, Phil. Too much time.”

“Hush, I’m explaining!”

“I thought I was explaining!” Dan said, his voice becoming high pitched.

“You did a bad job, so I’m doing it now.”

“Wow!”

“Anyway, we actually had an offer from YouTube Red to bring in a documentary crew and film everything for us, but we didn’t want to do that.”

“That would be so awkward.”

“Really, really awkward. I’d probably end up breaking so many cameras.” Phil shivered at the thought. “Anyway, we thought it would be better to just do it ourselves, and then I’ll upload it onto my channel as a regular video.”

“A really long, regular video.”

“Yeah, so let’s start by telling them what we did today.” Phil flipped the camera around so it was just focusing on Dan. The living room could be seen in the background of the shot, showing that they were sitting on their couch. “What did we do today, Dan?”

“Oh, I can tell them this? Are you sure I won’t do a bad job?” Dan asked jokingly.

“Shut up!” Phil laughed. “Or I will tell them.”

“Fine, fine. Today,” he paused while he picked up some papers off of the coffee table. “We signed a fuckton of papers and bought a house!”

“Yay!” Phil cheered from behind the camera.

“We did grown up stuff!” Dan exclaimed, “And it took forever! I think my fingers might still be bleeding!”

“It was a lot of signing.”

“So much signing. I think I might’ve signed our souls over to the devil at some point, cause I just stopped caring.”

“That’s alright,” Phil replied. “You never had one to begin with, remember?”

“True. Anyway, the place needs a lot of work, so we can’t move in just yet. It’ll probably take six months or so to get everything completed-”

“We’re hoping to have it done by the time our lease is up for this place.”

“Phil, come back on camera if you’re going to talk, you nerd!”

Phil moved around, turning the camera so it was on both of them again. “We are going to try and do the renovations ourselves, for the most part at least-”

“Hopefully we don’t die. We probably will though.”

“There’s like a ninety percent chance we’ll be injured horribly somehow.”

“Most definitely.”

“That reminds me,” Phil said, looking over at Dan, “We need to find out where the closest hospital is at.”

“We will, we will,” Dan replied, waving him off.

“Was there anything else we needed to discuss right now?”

“Um, I don’t think so?” Dan replied uncertainly. 

“Yeah, I think that’s it for now,” Phil said, more sure. “But we’ll be back again soon. We’re tired. It’s late. We’re going to bed.”

 

**October 27, 2018**

“So, why haven’t we recorded in a few days, Philly?” Dan asked, turning the camera toward Phil. 

He was sitting behind the driver’s seat of a car, staring ahead at the road.

“I  _ might’ve- _ ”

“Might’ve?” Dan interrupted.

“Shut up! I might have lost the camera right after I finished filming on the first day.”

Dan turned the camera so it was on him. “Yeah, this guy over here can’t be trusted-”

“Hey!”

“He can’t be trusted with technology. We got a nice camera to record this year with, cause we didn’t want to use an iPhone for a full year of filming, and then Phil here goes and loses it on day one.”

“Hey! Let me explain.”

“Alright, you explain yourself, Mister,” Dan replied, putting Phil back on camera.

“It was late,” Phil explained, keeping his eyes on the road. “And I was very tired. We both were!”

“Mhm. Excuses.”

“Shh, I’m speaking. We were both tired, and Dan went to use the toilet while I put up the camera and I may have just placed it in one of our empty plant pots.”

Dan was laughing behind the camera, causing it to shake a bit. “You put the fucking camera in an old plant pot, you idiot! And then you completely forgot where you had put it for days.”

Phil was laughing now too, his eyes crinkling up as he gripped the wheel tighter. “Don’t make me laugh, I’m going to crash.”

“Why the fuck are you even driving, Phil? Who allowed this?”

“We’re going to our new house! It’s too far to take a cab, and not far enough for a train,” Phil explained. “I’m not telling this to you, Dan, cause you already know.”

“Thanks for clarifying.”

“We’re going to write down everything that needs done and see what room we want to start with first.”

Dan moved the camera so it was resting on the dashboard, showing both of their faces now. “I’m literally terrified,” Dan said. “I’m only filming this because I kept screaming and this was a way to get my mind off of you driving.”

“I’m not  _ that _ bad.”

“You’ve slammed on your breaks five times, Phil.”

“Other people are bad drivers! Not me.”

“Just please remember it’s a rental,” Dan said, looking over at Phil.

Phil waved him off. “It’s alright, Dan, I got the insurance.”

Just then, Phil slammed on his breaks again, causing them both to jerk forward and the camera to slide over.

“Jesus Christ, Phil!” Dan exclaimed, reaching out to grab the camera.

“Sorry, sorry! Not my fault.”

“Fucking hell, I’m turning this off now before I film our deaths.”

 

“Alright… Well, we may have just made the biggest mistake of our lives,” Dan said, letting out a hard laugh that seems more worried than anything. “Our list is like three pages-”

“Four,” Phil called out, causing Dan to look past the camera.

“Four?” He questioned. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m halfway down the fourth page.”

Dan sighed, flipping the camera around to Phil. He was in the kitchen, leaning over the countertop, staring down at a notebook. 

“Why’d we do this, Phil?”

“We thought doing home improvements ourselves would be fun,” he replied, writing something else down on the list. “The wallpaper is peeling in here, by the way.”

“We were taking it out anyway.”

“Yeah, but it’s peeling to reveal more wallpaper.”

“There’s  _ layers _ of wallpaper?” 

Phil looked up at the camera and nodded. “It looks like lady bugs are behind these flowers.”

“Oh God.”

“I know.”

“What room should we start with?”

“I think the kitchen,” Phil replied, slowly standing up straight and stretching his back from being bent over for so long. “We have to rip out, like, everything, and start from scratch.”

“Are we sure we want to do this?” Dan asked, half joking.

“If we gave away our souls by signing those papers the other day, I doubt we’ll be able to get our money for the house back today,” he replied with a soft smile. “It’ll be okay though,” he added, looking above the camera, clearly talking to Dan instead of the audience. “We’ll get it done.”

“Yeah, we’ve just got to learn patience.”

“You do,” Phil said, pointing his pen at Dan. “I’ve got plenty of patience.”

“Oh yeah, right! Let’s get back to the list, you dingus.”

 

**October 31, 2018**

“Happy Halloween!” Phil exclaimed, wearing his Tigger onesie. “We’re at our house, dropping stuff off-”

“I drove this time!” Dan exclaimed from off camera.

Phil rolled his eyes. “He was worse than me. I thought I was going to actually die.”

“Okay, no,” Dan replied. Shuffling noises could be heard and then Dan was standing behind Phil, the hoodie from his Winnie the Pooh onesie over his head. “I drove very well. There was just one stupid car that tried cutting me off and I’ll be damned if I let the motherfucker get away with it.”

“She was like eighty years old.”

“That doesn’t matter, Phil.”

“Anyway,” Phil said loudly, preventing Dan from continuing with his story. “We’re at the house to drop off supplies. We’re not getting started on work tonight, but we needed tools and stuff-”

“Lots of random shit,” Dan interrupted.

“ _ Stuff  _ so that it’s all here when we do start work, which will be soon.”

“We’re doing grown up crap this Halloween, bitches,” Dan said, glaring into the camera. “We’ve got hammers and drills and nails and shit-”

“Stuff-”

“And we’re gonna make this house liveable!”

Phil was silent for a second, cocking his head to the side. “I mean, we are in Winnie the Pooh onesies, and we did buy a bucketful of candy to hand out to the neighborhood kids, and we are ordering pizza and eating it on the living room floor, but… yeah, adult things.”

“Anything can be an adult thing once you’re an adult, Phil. Don’t ruin this moment.”

The doorbell rang, causing them to both turn from the camera.

“That’s either pizza or a child,” Dan said, moving away from the camera.

“I’m going to turn the camera off now. I don’t think a good first impression would be made in the neighborhood if I started out filming children.”

 

**November 3, 2018**

“Since we’re being more open and honest for this year in the life thing,” Dan started, walking through their apartment, “I thought I’d show you guys what it’s like when Dan and Phil have a domestic.”

Dan placed the camera on a high counter, pointing it toward Phil. His hands were on his hips, and he was looking back and forth from Dan to the camera with irritation clear on his face.

“You had me stop talking to get the camera?” He asked. “Are you joking?”

“Nope,” Dan replied, a smirk on his face. “Now tell everyone why you’re mad at me.”

Phil sighed, dropping his hands down to his side. “I’m not mad, Dan, I’m… I’m slightly annoyed.”

“Okay, then why are you slightly annoyed?”

“You know why.”

“They don’t,” Dan replied, pointing back at the camera.

Phil glared at Dan for a second, then took a deep breath. “Dan ordered a huge box of light bulbs online. Not only are they all blue tinted, but we don’t even need light bulbs. You paid over one hundred pounds for a box of unusable light bulbs.”

“And?”

“And they can’t be returned. So, we’re just stuck with a box of blue light bulbs that will never be used, and we’ve lost money.”

“I have to say,” Dan said, sitting down on the couch. “Your voice level has lowered a lot since bringing out the camera.”

“I have to say that your annoyingness level has remained pretty much exactly the same.”

“It’s just light bulbs, Phil!”

“It’s one hundred pounds worth of useless light bulbs!” Phil exclaimed. He glanced over at the camera, then began walking toward it. “I’m turning it off.”

“No, Phil,” Dan whined, “We’re supposed to film this stuff too!”

“Not today.”

 

**November 7, 2018**

“We’ve been gaming all day,” Dan said, a controller in hand. He and Phil were sitting in the gaming room with the camera set up on their tripod. “We’ve gotten like, what, six gaming videos done?”

Phil nodded, “Yes, and now I have to go edit them.”

“We’re trying to get a few games done cause we’re going to be spending the weekend at our house-”

“A long weekend.”

“Yeah, we’re going Friday and staying until Tuesday.”

“And we’re taking the train this time,” Phil said.

Dan laughed. “Yes, we’re taking the train because neither of us want to drive and renting cars is fucking expensive.”

“We need to buy a car,” Phil noted.

“I know,” Dan replied with a groan. “Why are we moving somewhere where driving is necessary?”

“Cause we enjoy pain.”

“Yeah, give them that content, Phil.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I’m about to order pizza and then spend the rest of the night editing while Dan gets our stuff together.”

“I can’t believe you’re trusting me to pack things.”

“I don’t. I already laid everything out on the bed so all you have to do is put it in the suitcase.”

“Are you serious?”

Phil smiled. “Yes, I’m serious. Your packing skills- or lack thereof- give me terrible anxiety.”

“You bitch.”

“You’ll be thanking me when you actually have proper clothes to wear for remodeling.”

“Never,” Dan replied, glaring over at him. “Oh!” He exclaimed suddenly, forgetting about their current banter. “Let the people know you’re not mad at me anymore.”

“I told you I was never mad! I was annoyed.”

“They’re going to think we’re still annoyed with each other.”

“We’re always annoyed with each other, but we were fine by that night, Dan.”

“Again, giving them that extra content-”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Phil said, reaching out and turning the camera off.

 

**November 10, 2018**

“How’s it going Dan?” Phil asked from behind the camera.

Dan was in the kitchen at their new house, pulling a cabinet off of the wall. “It’s taking for-fucking-ever!” Dan exclaimed with a laugh.

“Are you sweating?”

“Of course I’m sweating, you potato chip! This is the most manual labor I’ve ever done and I’m not happy!” He said, although his dimply smile gave his true feelings away.

“You’re doing great!”

“Fuck off!”

Phil laughed, turning the camera around to face him. “We had to borrow this,” he said as he walked into their living room. He briefly showed a blow up mattress on the floor before turning the camera toward him again, “Because we have nowhere to sleep. When we stayed on Halloween we ended up just sleeping on the floor, but we’re old and it hurts to do that-”

“Speak for yourself!” Dan yelled.

“And we’re not even sure if we should be stayed here cause there’s like mildew or mold or something in the air conditioning vents. We’ve got the air turned off, and thankfully it’s nice out so we’re not burning up or anything. But, yeah, we may potentially die from mold poisoning or something-”

“It’s not called mold poisoning, Phil!”

Phil ignored him. “We’ll let you know!”

 

**November 15, 2018**

“We just finished filming Phil is not on Fire, and Phil’s editing it,” Dan said as he walked around the kitchen in their flat. “I was helping, but I’m hungry so I’m going to make food now. We’re having bourbon chicken with rice.”

He set the camera down inside a cabinet above the stove, so it was high enough that Dan wouldn’t have to bend down to be seen. “We haven’t really done anything else to the house. During our weekend there we ripped out all the cabinets and got the first layer of wallpaper removed from the walls. It was a fucking mess. The second layer of wallpaper is even more disgusting. It’s ladybugs sitting on leaves and it makes me want to vomit blood.”

Dan pulled out a pan and set it on the stove, then turned the stove on. “Phil, do you want vegetables?!” He yelled out.

“Doesn’t matter!” Phil called back.

“You always say that and then it matters!”

“It doesn’t this time!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Sure, he says that now.” 

He walked away from the camera, and the fridge door could be heard opening and closing. 

“I’ve been marinating the chicken all day. It’s going to be delicious and if Phil complains about me not making vegetables than I’m going to dump the entire thing on his head.”

“I can hear you!” Phil yelled. “And I want vegetables!”

“Fuck you, you bitch!”

 

**November 22, 2018**

We haven’t filmed in a few days-”

“Cause we’re trash,” Dan interrupted.

“Because we’ve not done much,” Phil continued. They were currently sat on their couch, close together so they could both be on camera. “And we’re apparently terrible at documenting our regular lives.”

“It would literally be like ten hours of us playing Mario Kart if we filmed everything we did each day.”

“That’s true.”

“We could fit a lot of adds in there though,” Dan said with a smile. “We gotta pay for the house somehow.”

Phil laughed. “That’s not what we’re talking about today though. What we’re filming for is to let you all know that we’ve picked out a kitchen set!”

“Yeah, we got cabinets and countertops and all that good shit!”

“And before it arrives, because it takes a few weeks or whatever, we have to paint the kitchen and patch up some areas on the wall.”

“So we’re trying to decide on a color, and we just keep rejecting each other's decisions.”

“You picked peach at one point, Dan,” Phil reminded him.

“And you picked lime green!”

“I think we need to go with something a bit calmer.”

“I agree.”

“So, we’re looking at the grays,” Phil said, holding up some gray colors. “I actually really like this one,” he said, putting his finger over a certain color and showing it to Dan.

“That one’s not bad,” Dan agreed. “It would go well with the white cabinets.”

Phil looked at the color again, reading the name. “It’s called ‘nimbus,’” he said, turning it toward the camera. “If you can’t see it very well, it’s like a grayish-blue color. It looks very relaxing.”

“Did we just decide on a color?” Dan asked.

“I think we did!”

“We need to make more decisions in front of the camera. We’ve been here for hours!”

“I know!” Phil held up a hand for Dan. “High-five for decision making!”

Dan laughed as he gave him a high five. “One month of filming and the most we’ve done is rip out cabinets and pick a paint color! We live exciting lives, you guys!”

“We do! And now we’re going to go eat, because we’re hungry and that’s all we do! Bye!”


	2. Month Two

**November 24, 2018**

“What are we doing, Dan?” Phil said, zooming in tight on Dan’s face.

Dan laughed, moving away from the camera. “We’re waiting on our paint color to be mixed,” he answered.

“We’re in a paint shop!” Phil explained, waving the camera around to show the store.

“You’re going to make everyone ill, Phil.”

“Oh, right. I’ll stop.” He flipped the camera around to show his face. “Everyone keeps staring at us really oddly,” he said, glancing around. 

Dan walked behind Phil so he could be on camera. “It’s probably because you keep waving a camera around, you nerd.”

“They said it could take a few minutes to mix,” Phil said, ignoring Dan’s comment. “So we’re going to pick out some brushes and other painting things while we wait.”

“Oh God, Phil, we don’t have any idea what we’re doing, do we?” He laughed, putting a hand over his face. “He’s saying ‘painting things’ because we have literally no idea what we need or what the items are called.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Phil replied, looking back at Dan with a smile.

“You say that now, Philly. You say that now.”

 

“How’s it going?” Dan asked from behind the camera. Phil was bent down, reaching far back between two different items.

“I think I can get it!” 

“There are other rollers that we can use, Phil.”

“This one’s cheaper. I got it!” He grabbed the roller brush from the back of the shelf and stood up, holding it up high in victory.

“Good job, Phil. You may have pulled some muscles, but we saved nearly a pound.”

“That’s what counts!”

 

“We’re at the house now, obviously,” Phil said, standing in the kitchen. The camera was placed on a tripod, allowing Dan and Phil to walk around more freely as they spoke. “And we’re about to start painting-”

“ _ You’re _ about to start painting,” Dan clarified, leaning against an unpainted wall. “I’ve been painting for half an hour. I’m dying, Phil.”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ve been busy taping the ceiling. I wasn’t sure if my arms would ever come back down to my sides again. Anyway, I thought I’d film some boring footage of us painting so Dan can yell at me later when he’s editing this bit-”

“Fuck you,” Dan interrupted, walking back over to one of the paint buckets and pouring more into a roller tray.

“But, before that, we met a fan at the paint shop today, so I just wanted to apologize for lying to you.”

“Yes, tell them your great story, Phil,” Dan said sarcastically, picking up a roller and starting to paint again.

“I said we filmed a video that messed up the walls in our flat so we were having to get new paint to fix it,” he replied with a pout.

“What kind of fucked up story is that?!” Dan asked, looking over at the camera. “Who thinks like that?”

“I was caught off guard! I’m not good at lying with no warning.”

“Oh, poor Philip. Now we have to film something that could get messy, so start thinking, Mister.”

Phil groaned. “I didn’t think it through!”

“No, and if you don’t start painting soon, this is going to be the messy video that destroys our walls.”

“What’s that even mean?” Phil asked.

Dan answered by quickly walking up behind him and swiping the roller over his butt.

“Dan!” Phil exclaimed, jumping slightly. “You did not just do that!”

“I did, lazy butt!”

“That’s a stupid nickname,” Phil replied, hurrying over to grab the other roller and pick it up. He held it out toward Dan like a sword, but Dan held his out as well.

They were both smiling, waiting for a moment to attack.

After waiting a few seconds, Phil reached out and covered his hand with paint from the roller, then flicked his fingers at Dan.

Dan blinked a few times, making sure none got in his eye. There were, however, little specks of paint covering his face.

“You motherfu-”

The screen went black, with ‘UNBELIEVABLY CENSORED’ written over it.

 

**November 30, 2018**

“It’s Christmas, Bitch,” Dan deadpanned into the camera. Phil was behind him, putting the topper on their tree. “What have we been doing, Phil?”

“I think it’s obvious,” he laughed, straightening the star. “We’re putting up our Christmas decorations!”

“Yes, we’ve been decorating all day, Christmas music on full blast, rocking out for Jesus!”

“Oh God,” Phil mumbled, rolling his eyes. He walked over to Dan, standing behind him with his hands on his hips. “The music isn’t playing anymore because it’s not royalty free, by the way.”

“Yeah, so you’ll need to insert your own Christmas music throughout this whole section.”

“Maybe I’ll be able to find some bell songs that won’t cost me anything,” Phil said.

“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what they want to hear… Anyway, let’s show the tree.”

Dan turned the camera and began walking around the apartment. “Here’s our tree, with all our traditional ornaments.”

“That I had to fight you for,” Phil mumbled from the other side of the room.

“I wanted a theme!” Dan defended.

“You wanted all white, black, and silver ornaments, Dan. That’s not Christmas-y enough! You need traditional ornaments that remind you of things.”

“Remind you of things?” Dan repeated, walking closer to the tree. He pulled off an ornament of Santa, half buried under the sand, his head and sandalled feet sticking out. “What does this remind you of, Phil?” He asked with a laugh.

“It reminds me that even Santa needs a break.”

“You’re ridiculous!” Dan exclaimed, placing the ornament back on the tree.

“It also reminds me of our tour, because we bought that when we were in Tennessee,” Phil continued to explain. Dan turned toward the couch where Phil was, so he’d be on camera. “We stopped at that Christmas store and spent hours in there, and you said that was the dumbest ornament you’ve ever seen, so we bought it. And we both said we’d definitely lose it before we got home, and we thought we did, but then we found it in the bottom of your suitcase after we neglected unpacking for two weeks.”

Dan sighed from behind the camera. “Okay, that’s cute as fuck, Phil. You remember too much.”

“I like memories. Every ornaments has a good one.”

“Fine, I suppose I like the traditional ornaments as well,” Dan admitted.

“Of course you do, Dan. You always agree with me eventually.”

“You're a dick.”

 

**December 3, 2018**

“We’re on a trip far, far away right now,” Phil said, lying in a hotel bed. “All the way in Manchester. You can probably hear Dan typing in the background,” he said, turning the camera around for a moment to show Dan sitting in a chair. He had headphones on, staring at his screen, not paying attention to Phil at all.

“He’s been editing a video for a couple of hours and I was reading. We came here to visit some old friends of mine. It was like a mini reunion or whatever. We meant to film us walking around Manchester, and we did a little bit, but I think I may put that up on my side channel or something because I didn’t film half as much as I meant to. So, you guys may have already seen some footage from this trip almost a year ago.”

Phil scooted up a little bit so he was sitting up more. “It’s been nice to be back here. We hadn’t been to Manchester in quite some time. We saw a lot of old, familiar places. We saw our old apartment building. It was a good day. We haven’t talked about it often, but Manchester is pretty special to Dan and me. It’s where everything started for us. It’s pretty much when our lives changed, so it’s lovely to be back and have time to reminisce.”

Phil glanced over at Dan, then back to the camera. “I know he can’t hear me or he’d be making gagging noises right now,” he said with a smile. “But I’m feeling cheesy today and I’m allowed! When we decided to film a year in our lives, we said we’d be more open with you guys, so this is me being more open, Dan! Deal with it! I’m saying this to Dan right now cause I’ll make him edit some of this.”

Phil glanced over at Dan again, then looked out the window before turning back to the camera. “I’m feeling a bit hungry now, so I’m going to go force Dan to stop editing and we’re going to get some food.”

 

**December 10, 2018**

“We’re back at our house!” Dan yelled, shaking the camera up and down.

“Stop it, stop it! You’re going to make me sick,” Phil said, smiling as he reached over and stopped Dan’s arm from moving.

“Oh, whatever. Anyway, we’re on our living room floor right now-”

“Because we have no furniture here still.”

“And we won’t for months. But, we’ve been away at my family’s place for a few days, so we haven’t filmed anything,” Dan explained. “Although I’m sure you all enjoyed my photograph with Colin-”

“Everyone does love it, and I took it, and I never get credit for my photography skills!” Phil exclaimed.

“Well, you’re getting credit now, Phil. Great job,” Dan replied, rolling his eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm. We went straight from my parents place to our new house because our cabinets arrive today.”

“Yes! We have to check them all out, and then try and at least get started on putting some of it together. We’re getting cabinets, countertops, everything. It’s a ton of stuff, with lots of directions, but we’ll do it!”

Just then, the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s them!” Dan said before turning off the camera.

 

“Okay… Okay… Okay…” Phil kept repeating himself as he looked over all the boxes and the stacks of directions. 

Dan was behind the camera, laughing so hard he was shaking. “What the fuck have we done, Phil? This is ridiculous!”

“It’s so much stuff!” Phil replied, looking over to Dan with wide eyes. “There’s absolutely no way I’ll be able to do this.”

“Neither will I. You know I’m not good with my hands.”

Phil slightly raised one eyebrow.

“Philip Lester!” Dan exclaimed dramatically. “You know what I mean, you dildo.”

“I think we’re going to have to hire a handyman.”

“Oh, kinky!”

“I’m just _looking_ at this stuff and I’m afraid I’ll break it,” Phil said, ignoring Dan. “It’s too much.”

“We’ll find someone to do it. Someone who’s picked up a power tool at least once in their life.”

“That’s a wise idea.”

 

**December 14, 2018**

“I’m at the house alone right now,” Phil said to the camera, looking uneasy. “Well, not alone, really. I’m here with the handyman. He’s downstairs, and I’m upstairs in one of our guest bedrooms because he kept asking me questions that I didn’t know the answer to.”

Phil’s phone buzzed and he picked it up off of the floor, staring at the screen and typing out a response before continuing. “That was Dan. He’s out right now looking at refrigerators, ovens, dishwashers, and sinks, because we forgot we’d need those. Yes, we actually forgot that we’d need appliances in our kitchen.”

Phil’s phone buzzed again and he groaned. “I’m going to sit the camera on this box here,” he said, reaching over and pulling a box close to him. He set the camera on it, adjusting it so he could still be seen. 

He picked up his phone and began reading a text from Dan, “‘This one has a TV on the fridge door,’” he read, rolling his eyes. “Dan, we do not need a TV on the fridge,” he said out loud as he typed.

“I swear,” he said, putting his phone in his lap. “Dan looks at the most ridiculous things for the house. Not everything needs an extra feature. We’ve survived this long without a TV in our kitchen, I think we’ll be alright.”

Another text came through. “‘You’re just saying no to all of my ideas because I left you with the handyman,’” Phil read. He pressed a few buttons, then held the phone up to his ear, seemingly forgetting that the camera was still rolling.

“I’m not saying no because you left me with the handyman,” Phil explained the second Dan answered. “I’m saying no because that fridge is an insane price and we don’t need one that does all of that stuff.”

He ran a hand over his face as Dan spoke.

“No, we put ourselves on a budget for this because we have four bedrooms that need decorating, and we have to buy lots of new furniture, and this place needs a lot of renovations, so we don’t need to go crazy on kitchen supplies.”

He sighed as Dan continued talking, his voice getting louder.

“Why don’t you just come back here and we’ll go together another day? And get food because I think you’re getting hungry and we don’t have anything here.”

Dan could barely be heard through the phone, asking what Phil wanted to eat.

“I don’t care, whatever you want. As long as you’re not buying a meal that has a TV unnecessarily attached to it.”

Dan’s voice grew loud again, and Phil turned the volume down on his phone a couple of notches. “It was a joke, Dan. I’m gonna go. Bring food. Bye.”

Before Dan could say another word, Phil hung up. He looked at the camera for the first time since getting on the phone. “It’s going to be a long day,” he said before reaching over and turning the camera off.

 

**December 16, 2018**

“It’s three o’clock in the morning, and what are we doing, Phil?” Dan asked, turning awkwardly so both he and Phil could be on camera at the same time. They were at their dining room table, with Phil sitting at the head of the table and Dan in a chair beside him.

“We’re playing Monopoly!” He exclaimed with a smile.

“We’ve been playing Monopoly for three fucking hours!” Dan replied, eyes wide.

“We’ll be finished soon, I promise. I’m about to win this thing.”

“I want to go to bed, Phil,” Dan whined.

“We have to finish the game!”

“Let’s just leave it and finish tomorrow,” Dan suggested, looking over to Phil.

“No! If we do that then we’ll never finish it.”

“I don’t care. I’m tired.”

“You’re whiny.”

“Because I’m tired!”

Phil sighed. “Fine. You go to bed. I’ll clean up everything.”

“Yes! I knew if I turned the camera on then you’d back down.”

“You make me sound like I’m a terrible person when the camera isn’t on, Dan,” Phil said.

“No, he’s not terrible,” Dan replied, staring into the camera. “Just bossier.”

“It’s not like I strapped you to the chair, Dan,” Phil said playfully. “You could have just gotten up and left.”

“Yeah, but then you’d get whiny and no one needs that.”

“Oh, shut up. Go to bed. Goodnight, Dan.”

“Say goodnight to all the people, Phil.”

Phil waved at the camera. “Goodnight to all the people.”

 

**December 22, 2018**

“I’m sitting on a rock on top of a mountain and it’s very cold,” Dan said, his smile a bit too wide to be real. He was bundled up in a coat, the hood tight around his face.

“It’s so cold,” Phil said, sitting down beside Dan, his teeth chattering. “We’re visiting my family for Christmas-”

“As most of you pervs already figured out,” Dan interrupted with a judgmental look.

“And we decided to go on a little hike,” Phil continued. “But I’m not sure if that was a good idea.”

“It’s fucking cold, mate,” Dan said, scooting closer to Phil for warmth.

“I know. But we just got up here and I’m too tired to go back down right now.”

“So am I. We’re actually going to die up here because we’re too unhealthy to make it back down the mountain.”

“Someone will find us up here frozen and naked,” Phil said to the camera.

“Why the hell would we be naked, Phil?”

“I heard you’re supposed to get naked and then like cling onto each other for warmth or something.”

Dan stared into the camera for a moment before standing up. “Alright, I suddenly got a wave of energy. Let’s get down this mountain, Phil!”

 

**December 25, 2018**

“We have to be quiet,” Phil whispered, holding the camera up so they could both be seen. They were sitting on a bed, resting against the headboard.

“Everyone’s asleep,” Dan explained. “The entire house is so quiet that a pin dropping could ruin everything.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re talking louder than a pin hitting the floor.”

“Don’t ruin the expression, Phil.”

“Sorry. Anyway, we just wanted to tell everyone Merry Christmas, even though you won’t be seeing this until next year when it’s not Christmas time yet.”

“So what’s the next month going to bring us, Philly?” Dan asked, looking over at Phil with a smile.

“More house renovations,” Phil started. “And we’ve got an event to go to in the US, so that will be interesting.”

“I’m sure we’ll screw something up at the airport.”

“We wouldn’t be us if we didn’t. But, um- Oh, wait!” Phil laughed. “I was about to tell them where they could get tickets for the event, but that wouldn’t make any sense.”

Dan laughed. “Could you imagine how many angry tweets we’d get with people saying they couldn’t find the tickets anywhere? It would be a disaster.”

“Yeah, everyone would be like ten months late. So, I won’t do that! I’ll just say Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, guys! Sants doesn’t ex-”

“No! I’m turning it off!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out. I'd written down the outline, but then I kept getting distracted.   
> Thank you guys for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! It means a lot to me!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	3. Month Three

**December 31, 2018**

“You guys want to know how wild Dan and Phil get on New Year’s Eve?” Dan asked, staring into the camera. “It’s crazy, guys, I’m not sure if you can handle it.”

Dan sat down on the floor of his and Phil’s new place. Phil was beside him, a half-filled wine glass in his hand. He looked at the camera and smiled, raising his glass slightly as a cheers to those watching. “It’s the most insane New Year’s we’ve ever had,” Phil said, glancing from the camera to Dan.

Dan nodded. “You’re so right, Phil. We’re in our house, all alone, with wine, chocolate, and potato chips. We did bring in a little TV,” he said, turning the camera for a moment so everyone could see the small television across the room. “We only get the basic channels right now, but luckily one of them is having a Twilight Zone marathon, so we’ve been watching that for, what, six hours?”

“I believe so,” Phil replied.

“Do we have anything else to update them with?” Dan asked.

“I don’t think so,” Phil said. “I mean, the kitchen is done, but we don’t have any appliances yet.”

“Oh, God, the appliances. Don’t remind me!”

Phil rolled his eyes, looking over at Dan with a smile. “Mhm.”

“It was a stressful day, alright?” Dan whined. “We’ll go sometime this month and look for stuff together.”

“That’s a good idea,” Phil agreed. He picked his phone up off of the floor and looked at the time. “Two minutes, Danny,” he said, his voice becoming slightly deeper.

Dan took a deep breath. “Alright, we’re going to go ring in the new year! Talk to you soon. Maybe. If we remember to record!”

 

**January 5, 2019**

“Dan, please!” Phil begged from behind the camera. Dan was currently laying on his bed, scrolling down his phone. “Please, get off of tumblr and pack your things.”

“Phil, you’re being so dramatic. Come sit down,” Dan said, patting the empty space beside him. “Take some deep breaths, close your eyes, nap for a while. It will all be okay.” His voice was soft and calm, as though he were talking to his viewers during a liveshow.

Phil sighed. “Dan, I cannot calm down. Do you know _why_ I can’t calm down?”

“Yes, I d-”

“I can’t calm down because we leave for the airport at three o’clock in the morning. It is currently eleven o’clock at night, and you have packed exactly zero items!”

Dan groaned. “Phil, you know me. I always pack last minute and it’s always a-okay.”

“No, it’s not!” Phil exclaimed. “You’ve almost blinded yourself, we’ve been late multiple times, missed flights a couple of times, we’re always stressed and running and you know I hate running, Dan!”

Dan set his phone down beside him, finally looking up at Phil to pay attention to him. “If I pack my toiletries will you leave me be?”

“No. I won’t ‘leave you be’ until _all_ of your stuff is packed, and your passport is resting directly on top of your suitcase so I can stare at it until time to go.”

“You’re so dramatic, Philly,” Dan said, getting up slowly and picking his empty suitcase up off of the floor. He dropped it onto the bed and looked over at Phil, giving him a fake smile. “Happy?"

“Not yet.”

 

**January 6, 2019**

The camera is zoomed in tight on Dan’s face. “Tell them, Dan. Go on,” Phil said, clearly annoyed.

“Really? In the cab, Phil?”

“Admit your sins.”

Dan sighed. “I was trying to be kind and pack everything just as Phil asked, but the stress of it all was too much-”

“Oh, please!”

“It was! Knowing I had four hours to get everything together was too much time. I need to procrastinate to do things properly.”

“You sound insane.”

“Am I telling the story, or not?” Dan asked, giving Phil a pointed look.

“Just say what you did, Dan.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I forgot to pack shirts.”

“And?”

“And underwear.”

“You’re lucky I looked through your things to make sure everything was packed properly.”

“If only you’d done it a couple of hours earlier. Then we wouldn’t be running late.”

Dan was met with silence for a few seconds before the camera was shut off.

 

“We made it!” Dan exclaimed, now seated on the airplane. He turned the camera toward Phil, who was staring blankly ahead. “Aren’t you glad we made it in time, Phil?” He asked, poking Phil’s cheek.

Phil swatted his finger away. “Stop it,” he said, his voice quiet, as he avoided looking at Dan.

Dan let out a sigh and flipped the camera around so only he was in view.

“Phil’s still upset with me. Honestly, I don’t think it was all my fault-”

“Of course you don’t,” Phil mumbled, although it was clear enough to understand.

Dan glanced over at him, then back at the camera. “But, once he gets some rest, and realizes that _we made it on time so there isn’t any point in being upset_ , he’ll be fine. Until then, I’m going to shut off the camera and, once we take off, I'll listen to music.”

 

**January 8, 2019**

“We’re in our hotel room,” Dan began, his back resting against a window that looked out over Orlando. It was getting dark outside, the city lights making up the background. “And we’ve ordered pizza and soda and a bunch of other junk to eat.”

He moved around so Phil would be in the background. He was sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard. “Why are we in our rooms instead of downstairs, Phil?”

“Because we were never taught how to socialize,” he answered simply.

Dan laughed. “That’s actually true. There is a party going on downstairs,” he explained, “but Phil and I have never been much for those types of parties. A lot of twerking happens and it gets to the point where it’s just too much.”

“My eyes have seen things that can’t be unseen,” Phil said as he watched TV.

“Oh God, the things we’ve both seen… Anyway, we snuck out and came back to the room to have the real party for the cool people!” He said, shaking the camera around for a few seconds. “We’re gonna eat crap and watch TV and probably get sick and regret everything! A perfect night!”

“Tell them what we’re watching. Then they’ll know just how crazy we really are.”

“Oh, right! There’s a Golden Girls marathon on, so we’re going to watch it until we fall asleep.”

“The next episode’s about to start, Dan. I don’t think you want to miss it.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Gotta go, losers!”

 

**January 10, 2019**

There’s a dim light shining on Phil’s face. Most of it is on his chin, but it creeps its way up, just reaching his eyes. “Tell everyone what’s happening, Phil,” Dan said, unable to contain his laughter.

“We’re stuck on the Haunted Mansion ride in Disney World,” he replied, giving the camera a nervous look. Off camera, a sound made him jump, and Dan started to laugh even harder.

“It’s not funny,” Phil said with a smile, pushing Dan’s shoulder.

“First of all, sorry for the sucky lighting,” Dan said, turning the camera around. “I’d turn on the camera light, but it’s super bright so we’re using Phil’s phone. Second, we’re stuck on the ride, right where a ghost pops up out from a grave and-”

Just then, it happened again. Phil jumped slightly, gasping.

“And Phil gets scared every time, even though it’s happened about thirty times now.”

“I can’t help it!” Phil whined. He scooted closer to Dan, tilting his head until he was almost resting it on Dan’s shoulder. “It’s right in front of my face.”

“It happens like every twenty seconds! Just count and learn when it will happen again.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Phil said, shaking his head. “It will still make me jump. Scoot over!”

Dan rolled his eyes, but scooted over as much as he could, which wasn’t very much at all. Phil moved over as well, leaving no extra space between them.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked.

“I’m getting away from that thing so it stops popping up in my face!”

“Don’t worry, Phil,” Dan said softly, his dimply smile appearing. “I’m with you. The animatronics won’t get you.”

“They better not. It’s endless jumpscares.”

“I’m more worried about us committing a crime if we have to hear this song repeat one more time,” Dan said, looking around the area.

“I’m going to sing it to you every night as you fall asleep, Dan,” Phil joked, moving his shoulders to the music.

Dan laughed. “Oh, fuck off,” he whispered, making sure no one else could hear.

 

“Talk to the people, Phil,” Dan said, laughing even harder than he was earlier.

“What the hell is going on?!” Phil asked, his phone light shining on his face. “We’re stuck on the PeopleMover now! In the darkest part!”

“We didn’t even realize we were stuck for the longest time.”

“No, we thought it was just taking a really long time to get out of this part of the ride. It took a few minutes before someone talked over the intercom thing and said we had stopped.”

“How many rides have we broken down on, Phil?”

“This has to be the fourth or fifth. We were on the Carousel of Progress for twenty minutes.”

“That’s another song I can never hear again.”

As if on cue, Phil began to sing, “There’s a great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of everyday. There’s-”

“Phil, I swear to God, I will jump from this ride and abandon you for Donald Duck.”

“Donald Duck? What about Winnie the Pooh?”

“Oh, I’m definitely leaving you for Winnie. That’s who I’m really redoing the house for.”

“You’re gonna need to buy a lot of honey. Could get expensive.”

Dan sighed. “He’s worth it, Phil.”

Phil paused. “I think the darkness is getting to us, Dan.”

“I think so too. Maybe I should stop recording.”

“Good idea.”

 

Dan was holding the camera out as he and Phil walked down Main Street USA. There weren’t too many people around, making it easy to walk and record at the same time.

“Phil, I don’t know if we could call today a success,” Dan said, glancing over at Phil.

Phil laughed. “It was a partial success,” he replied. “Some of it was good. We laughed a lot!”

“That’s true. But we did breakdown on about seven rides total, and we just got up and left the restaurant we made reservations at.”

Phil groaned. “Oh my God, that was so awkward!”

“We didn’t know it was a character dining restaurant,” Dan explained, going back and forth from looking into the camera, to making sure he wasn’t running into anyone. “And it was really awkward because everyone else was like a family, with little kids, and then us. Two very tall, very weird looking men. It was too much.”

“I didn’t really mind that we were the only childless family,” Phil said. “But, I need a little warning before I’m going to be eating with characters sneaking up behind me. That’s something I have to prepare for.”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t in the mood for it. So, once our waitress brought us water, we just left a tip for her and we got up and walked out.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever moved so fast to escape a place.”

Dan smiled, shaking his head. “We definitely haven’t. There was just no way I’d ever be able to explain that to somebody, and we’re such bad liars.”

“But we’ve got a good alternative plan.”

“Yeah. Room service and TV. God knows we never do that.”

“It’s never a bad thing to stick to what you enjoy.”

“That’s inspirational, Phil. Truly. Before we leave Disney for the day, do you have any parting words?”

“Um, thank you for a fun day. We did laugh a lot, even if we were laughing because everything kept going wrong… Yeah, I think that’s it.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go now before I punch somebody on accident.”

 

**January 14, 2019**

"We’re at the store,” Dan said, Phil right beside him. “Trying to pick out appliances. So far we’ve got a fridge and a dishwasher, but no sink.”

“Because the sink you want is insane.”

“It’s not insane, Phil. You just have bad taste.”

“I do not have bad taste, I just don’t think it’s necessary to have a sink with marble accents, and five water pressure settings.”

“But it’s so pretty and it matches our counter tops,” Dan replied, looking at Phil with puppy-dog eyes.

“Don’t make that face, Dan. It’s not fair and you know it.”

“But I really, really want it, Phil.”

Phil groaned. “Ugh! Fine, you can have the sink. But we have to get whatever stove I choose!”

“Yes! Okay, fine!”

“I’m serious, Dan. I’m going to choose the cheapest one too.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I can have the sink?”

“Mhm.”

“Aw! Look at that face,” Dan said, moving the camera closer to Phil. “Isn’t that a sweet face?”

“Stop it,” Phil laughed, pushing the camera away. “Let’s go pick a stove.”

“Okay. But it has to match the counter tops! And it can’t be silver. And it needs-”

“I thought I got to choose?”

“Oh, you do,” Dan said, turning to secretly shake his head at the camera. “I’m just guiding you in the right direction.”

“Sure you are. Put the camera away now so we can look more.”

“Sir, yes, sir!”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Don’t call me sir.”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”

 

**January 18, 2019**

“I want everyone to see what I really have to put up with,” Dan whispered, slowly walking toward the living room. “You all think Phil is so easy to live with. You think, ‘Oh, Dan’s so lucky to be able to live with Phil. To get to see him every day.' But you don’t know,” he said, pointing at the camera. “You don’t know.”

He walked over to the couch and turn the camera so it was on Phil. Phil was lying on his side, sound asleep. He had his emoji pyjamas on with a red t-shirt. His glasses were on his face, slightly crooked from the way his head was resting on a pillow. His mouth was barely hanging open, and soft snores could be heard.

“Do you all see this? First of all, the pyjama bottoms. I’ve tried burning those things like three times. I’ve tried to destroy them in the washer. I’ve tried hiding them. I think they’re possessed or something and they’re out to make my life a living hell.”

Dan whipped the camera back around to show his face. “And he’s snoring! Yes, he snores. I know some of you are going to think it’s cute, but try living with it. It’s a nightmare.”

Dan walked off from Phil, going into his bedroom and opening the closet. He picked up a blanket from the top shelf, then made his way back to the living room. “But look at me,” he said, setting the camera down on the back of the couch so he wouldn’t have to hold it anymore.

He unfolded the blanket, then gently laid it over Phil, tucking it underneath his chin. “I’m a fucking saint,” he whispered, slowly removing Phil’s glasses and laying them on the coffee table.

“I know you all are going to ask why I didn’t just wake him up,” he said, picking the camera back up and heading to his room. “But waking up Phil is impossible once he gets into snore mode. I could be brutally murdered and he’d have no idea.”

Dan sat down on his bed, leaning against the headboard. “He’ll most likely wake up in a couple of hours anyway. He’ll be all grumpy and complain about his neck hurting for two days, the old fart. Anyway, I just wanted you all to see a true glimpse of life with Phil and all the horror that goes along with it. I’m going to bed now.”

 

**January 22, 2019**

“So, Phil’s napping right now in the bedroom,” Dan said, talking quietly. He was sat on the couch, holding the camera. Part of his laptop was visible on his lap, his eyes occasionally flickering down to the screen. “And I’m working on his birthday cake. I wanted to do something a bit different than I’ve done in the past, so I’ve been working on a photoshop version to show the bakery I’m going to.”

He looked down at the screen and smiled, “It’s absolutely ridiculous,” he said, “but they promised me they could do anything so we’ll see. He shuffled down further into the couch, getting into a more comfortable position.

“It’s going to kind of look like our stage for the tour we did. I mean, it won’t have the same stuff, but I want like memories from some of Phil’s best videos and moments on the cake. I’ve been watching some old AmazingPhil content to get inspiration, but it just makes me want to add more and more stuff, so I may have to have two cakes.”

He bit at his lip, looking at his computer screen again. His eyebrows furrowed as he thought for a moment, then he looked back at the camera. “Or maybe I could do like a layered cake. Each layer could represent another phase for Phil. That might work. Or-”

“What are you doing?” Phil interrupted as he walked into the room, sounding sleepy.

Dan closed his laptop quickly, sliding it off of his lap and onto the couch. “Nothing. Why are you up?”

“I woke up,” Phil replied simply, sitting down beside Dan. He rubbed at his eyes, his glasses going up and down as he did so.

“You’re still sleepy.”

“I’m always sleepy.”

“Cause you’re an old man.”

Phil laughed. “You’re always sleepy too.”

“Cause I live with an old man.”

"Rude," Phil said, shaking his head. “Why are you trying to avoid my original question?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Are you planning something for my birthday?” Phil asked.

“You said not to plan anything,” Dan answered.

“I say that every year and you’ve never listened.”

“I’m offended, Phil,” Dan said, placing a hand over his heart. “Truly offended. If your wish is to not celebrate, then I will grant it for you.”

“Sure you will. No bother, I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.”

“You will not,” Dan replied, then quickly added, “because there is nothing to find out.”

“Okay, sure.” Phil looked into the camera. “At least you all know he’s lying.”

Dan stuck up his nose to Phil, dropping the camera down on Phil's lap.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed. He picked it up as Dan stood up from the couch.

“I’m going to take a nap now,” he said, picking up his laptop. “You can sit out here alone, just like you’ll be doing on your birthday.”

“So many lies!” Phil called out as Dan left him. Phil looked into the camera and rolled his eyes. “Message for Dan in the future. I could just take the SD card out of the camera right now and see what you said. Thankfully, I am a kind and honest man, so I won’t do that. I am, however, going to go into the room right now and try to scare you. I hope you didn’t kill me. I’m not taking a camera though cause it’s too risky and he’ll probably swear _a lot,_ so, bye, guys!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! It's tougher to outline and write when it's a story that can only be told from what the camera is showing. Hopefully the chapter was worth the wait!
> 
> While I don't expect to be gone too long, and I may not be gone at all, there is a hurricane headed my way. If I don't update for a while, just know I'm most likely without power and I'm not able. If you follow me on tumblr, I'll be letting people know how everything goes on there.
> 
> Until then, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Comments help me so much!  
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	4. Month Four

**January 30, 2019**

“Happy birthday,” Dan quietly said to Phil, who was still lying in bed. He had his glasses on, but he obviously hadn’t been awake for very long.

“Thank you,” Phil replied, his voice husky. 

“Have you been up long?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head. “Few minutes. Something smells good.”

Dan laughed from behind the camera. “I made you breakfast and coffee.”

Phil’s eyebrows raised slightly. “You made me breakfast?”

“Mhm. Pancakes.”

Phil scooted up into a sitting position, leaning his back against the headboard. “What time is it?”

“There’s a clock right beside you, you goof! It’s half past eleven.”

Dan picked up Phil’s plate, which he had set on the bedside table, and handed it to Phil. “Take it before I drop it,” he said, his hand shaking slightly.

Phil grabbed it quickly, setting it on his lap. “Thank you,” he said as Dan picked up his cup of coffee and handed it to him as well.

“No problem, ancient birthday man! I’m gonna go make me some.”

“Wait!” Phil whined. “You’re not gonna eat with me?”

“I just made enough for you so your plate didn’t get cold.”

Phil looked down at his plate. “There’s enough for both of us. Come sit by me,” he said, patting the spot beside him on the bed.

Dan was silent for a second. “I’m still recording, Phil.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Phil replied, a confused expression on his face. “But you can stop and then come eat with me.”

Dan sighed. “Fine, but don’t whine to me when you’re hungry in two hours.”

Phil smiled. “I won’t. I promise.”

“Mhm.”

 

“Okay, so I just had the best birthday ever,” Phil said to the camera. He was sitting against the armrest of the couch, his legs crisscross. “Dan made me the best cake. I mean, technically the bakery made it, but he designed it and it was amazing! I’ll insert some pictures here so you can see it.”

A few pictures flashed across the screen, showing the cake. It had three layers. The bottom one was filled with references from early AmazingPhil videos. The second layer was recent videos, and other side accomplishments. The top layer was more personal, with edible items that were only meant for close family and friends to understand.

“If you don’t think that’s the coolest cake ever,” Phil said, appearing back on the screen as the pictures went away, “then all I can say is, you’re wrong.”

Phil looked away from the camera as some shuffling could be heard. “I was telling them about the cake you had made for me,” Phil explained with a smile. He moved around on the couch so Dan was in view.

“Oh, did ya like it?” Dan asked, but by the look on his face, he already knew the answer.

“I loved it!”

“Good, you better. I spent hours on photoshop with that thing, just for people to stuff it down their throats.”

“But it will live in my memory forever.”

Dan handed Phil a bowl, changing the subject. “I made popcorn.”

“Yum! We’re gonna go eat popcorn and watch a movie to end the day, but I just want to say a late thank you to everyone watching for the messages you sent me-”

“I hope you thanked them on Twitter today,” Dan interrupted. “You’re not just making them wait for like nine months, are you?”

“No, Dan, I’m not making them wait,” Phil said with an eyeroll. “And I’d like to thank Dan,” he added, giving him a look, “for making this day very special. So, thank you, Dan.”

Dan was busy sticking two fingers down his throat to imitate gagging. 

“Dan!” Phil whined.

“Oops! I mean, you’re so welcome, Phil,” he replied, a creepy smile appearing on his face. “It was my pleasure.”  

“Ew! Stop it! I’m turning the camera off!”

 

**February 3, 2019**

“Guys, I hate to tell you this, but Phil’s dying.”

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed from behind the camera. “Don’t do that. You’ll terrify them!”

Dan flipped the camera around so Phil was in view. He was lying in bed, covered up to his chin. He was breathing through his mouth, and his nose looked red and raw.

“What’s happening then, if you’re not dying?”

“I’ve just got a cold,” Phil explained, his voice sounded rough.

“Yeah, let’s go through all the things wrong with you. Runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat, and an occasional cough. Is that it?”

“I feel sore all over,” Phil added.

“Yeah, but that’s probably just from old age, to be honest.”

Phil glared at Dan. “Rude.”

Dan turned the camera back toward himself and smiled. “Don’t worry, guys, I’m not really being mean to him-”

“Yes, you are!” Phil yelled as Dan began to leave the room.

“Shut up, Rat! As I was saying, I’m not being mean. I’m actually making him food.” As Dan entered the kitchen, he turned the camera toward the stove, showing homemade chicken soup in a pan. “He’s not a big fan of soup, but that’s what you have to eat when you’re sick. It’s a requirement or something. Maybe he’ll take it as a threat and he’ll recover faster.”

Dan placed the camera on a shelf inside of a cabinet so he could stir the soup as he spoke. “I also went to the store this morning and got him medicine. And, while he wanted to get out of bed and do things today, I was the one who told him to stay in bed and rest. So, I don’t want to hear any of you yelling at me that I’m mean to Phil.”

“You worry too much,” Phil said, walking into the kitchen.

Dan jumped, turning back toward Phil. “What are you doing in here?”

“I had to pee,” Phil explained. “Then I was thirsty.”

“I’ll bring you a drink! Go back to bed.”

“But-”

“I swear to God, Phil, I’ll come after you with my ladle if you don’t go back to bed right now.”

“You’re so  _ sweet,  _ Dan. Thanks for being so  _ kind.”  _

“Whatever. Go!”

 

**February 7, 2019**

“Hey, guys-”

“Philly’s feelin’ better!” Dan interrupted, waving his hands around like he was karate chopping the air.

“Wow, Dan,” Phil laughed. “You seem very excited.”

“Of course I am. I’ve been eating soup for days, Phil. _Days_.”

“You didn’t have to eat the soup!” Phil exclaimed.

“Like I’m gonna make two dinners.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we’re at the house right now in one of the bedrooms.”

“The main bedroom,” Dan said, walking off camera. “Bow-chicka-bow-wow!”

“Dan, no,” Phil scolded with a slight smile. “As I was saying, this bedroom has an attached bath and we’re going to be working on both at the same time.”

There was a jumpcut, and the camera was now on a tripod. “I had to stop holding the camera so I could help Dan,” Phil explained as they steamed the wall and tore off old wallpaper.

“He was trying to get away with not helping,” Dan accused.

“I was not! Let me talk or I’ll never get it out.”

“Fine, fine.”

“The bathroom just needs repainted and a new toilet, so that shouldn’t take too long.”

“Retiling the shower too.”

“Oh, yeah, and that.”

“And we still have to do the other bedrooms and the living room and get the air conditioning fixed and make sure-”

“Dan,” Phil stopped him, patting his shoulder. “Breathe. It’ll get done.”

“Our lease ends in April, Phil. April.” Dan, who was kneeling on the floor with the steamer, set it beside him and sat down. “We’ve gone really slow with everything and we’re not gonna finish in time.”

“We will,” Phil replied. They both seemed to have forgotten the camera was still on. “The air conditioning guy gets here tomorrow. It’ll get done.”

“Saying it’ll all get done doesn’t actually mean it will, Phil. Look at all this ugly wallpaper,” he said, motioning around the room. “It’s going to take all day just to get it off.”

“But we’ll get it off.”

Dan paused. “Kinky.”

Phil poked Dan’s side. “There’s Danny boy!” He said with a smile. “Come on, let’s get back to work.”

 

**February 10, 2019**

They’re sitting in the gaming room, each waiting for the other to start talking. After a few seconds of silence, they both look at each other with awkward smiles.

“I thought you were gonna talk first?” Phil said.

“Me? You were the one who wanted to do this!”

“Cause we haven’t filmed in days. We needed to update.”

“We haven’t done _anything_ in days, Phil. Besides me having a few breakdowns and you trying to find my chill.”

Phil looked from Dan to the camera. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll just say what we did today. We hung out with some friends. We went to dinner, then to the movies-”

“Everyone’s going to think we have no friends cause they won’t be in our video.”

“I promise we do have a few friends!” Phil said. “We joke about not having any, because we usually just stay in our house and away from human contact, but we do occasionally do things with others!”

“This is going to be the dullest update of all time,” Dan said, messing with something on their computer.

“Well, it’s a realistic take on our lives then,” Phil laughed.

“The game isn’t working right,” Dan said. “The wires must be messed up.”

Phil got up out of his chair and moved off camera. “I worked on it for half an hour earlier!” He whined.

“You didn’t work on it hard enough, I guess.”

“Maybe if I wasn’t doing it alone while you read fanfiction-”

“Hey! I got sucked in. I couldn’t help it.”

“Mhm. Does it work now?”

Dan clicked a few times, then shook his head. “Keep workin’, Lester.”

“Ugh! I know one day I’m going to electrocute myself while messing with all these damn wires.”

“Would you like Shakira or Ricky Martin played at the funeral?”

“A mixture of both, please.”

“Will do. Oh! It’s working now!”

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed, returning to his seat. “Okay, so we’re going to film some gaming videos and then go to bed.”

Dan’s eyes widened dramatically. “Thrilling!”

 

**February 14, 2019**

“Every year, Phil and I try to make each other the most ridiculous cards we can think of,” Dan began, sitting down on the couch. “We figured we’d let you guys in on it this year.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, scooting closer to Dan so he was in the shot. “You can decide who the winner is.”

“Phil, they’re not going to see this for months!”

“So? We can wait.”

“Oh, whatever,” Dan said with an eyeroll. “You know they’re going to choose you no matter what.”

“As they should,” Phil replied, smiling widely.

“Shut up,” Dan laughed. He picked up a card from beside him on the couch and handed it to Phil. “Here, you go first.” 

He scooted back a bit and turned the camera so it was on Phil only.

“‘Do you know how much you meme to me?’” Phil read off the front of the card. “Oh god,” he said with a laugh before opening the card.

Inside the card was over twenty of their favorite memes, printed out and glued to the paper. 

“‘A lot,’” Phil read, turning the card around to show the words surrounded by memes. 

“Don’t you love it?!” Dan asked from behind the camera.

Phil looked up at him with a small smile. “It’s definitely terrible. We may have a real competition this time.”

“Okay, give me mine! Give me mine!” Dan whined, handing the camera over to Phil. Phil pointed it at Dan as he handed him his handmade card.

“‘What the heck?’” Dan read off the front. He opened the card and laughed loudly, bending over double. After a few seconds he was able to straighten himself up.

“What’s it say?” Phil asked, laughing as well.

“It says, ‘“What the heck?’ on the outside. And then, ‘You love Shrek!’ on the inside,” he said, turning the card toward the camera. “With a giant Shrek face on the card.”

“And underneath the Shrek face?” Phil asked.

Dan looked at the card again, blushing slightly. “‘I’ll never be ogre you,’” he finished. “Phil, this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen,” he said, a big, dimply smile on his face.

“Who do you think will win?” Phil asked.

“You,” Dan replied, although his voice was softer this time. “You always do.”

 

**February 19, 2019**

The camera is set on a tripod in their new bedroom. Dan is painting one wall while Phil paints another.

“I used to love the smell of paint,” Dan said. “Now, I might have to cut my nose off so I stop smelling altogether.”

“I think I’m getting dizzy from the fumes,” Phil replied, standing back to look at what he had painted so far. 

“If you pass out, I’m not finishing your wall. That’s your duty.”

“Thanks for the concern.”

“No problem.”

Phil glanced at the camera, pointing to it even though Dan wasn’t looking. “Are you going to tell everyone how long it took to pick out these colors for the room?”

“Nope,” Dan replied simply.

“I will then. It took three days, and one of the worst arguments we’ve ever had,” he said as he went back to painting.

“We didn’t speak for like five hours,” Dan continued. “And you ate dinner alone at the dining table.”

“You called me an imbecile!”

“Now, let’s let bygones be bygones.”

“Mhm. We ended up choosing Silver Marlin for these three walls,” Phil said, pointing out each one. “And then the one I’m doing is the accent wall and it’s going to be Summer Shower. It took a lot to get this accent wall and I must protect it.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I just wanted the whole room to have a theme-”

“You wanted no color.”

“Black, silver, and white are colors!”

“They’re boring colors, and we’ve already had that with the flat.”

“Says the man who keeps the same comforter from over a decade ago.”

Phil took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “We’re not arguing again, are we?”

“No,” Dan replied quickly. He stepped back from the wall he was painting and stared at it for a moment. “I do like the accent wall,” he said, calmer now.

“And I like the silver walls,” Phil admitted.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

 

**February 23, 2019**

“I’m alone,” Phil explained as he glanced around at his surroundings. “I’m at the store alone, because Dan kicked me out for eating all of his cereal. I’m only allowed to return home once I’ve bought a new box. He also told me I had to write an essay on why stealing cereal is wrong, but I hope he’s joking about that.”

Phil was quiet for a moment as he thought. “I better write something on the way home just in case.”

He made his way down the cereal aisle. “I feel so awkward doing this in public by myself, but Dan told me to take the camera and film while I was gone. For shaming purposes, I assume.”

He looked around, searching for Dan’s favorite cereal. “I’m probably making Dan sound really bad right now, I just realized. He’s not really forcing me to film! And he didn’t actually kick me out, guys! I mean, he did tell me to leave and get more cereal, but I’m sure he’ll let me back in the flat when I get home… maybe… probably.”

He walked up and down the aisle, his face becoming more concerned the longer it was taking. “Oh dear,” he said. “They must be out. I’ll have to get a substitute and hope that will do.”

He picked up a different cereal box and headed toward the checkout. “I’m gonna go, you guys, cause I don’t want the checkout person to look at me weird. But if I’m not in the rest of the video, you’ll know it was because I couldn’t find the right cereal. Also, I’m definitely going to write that essay now. Wish me luck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story! Each chapter is a challenge due to it being from the camera's POV, but your comments make me excited to release a new chapter!
> 
> Let me know how you liked this one!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	5. Month Five

**February 27, 2019**

“What are we doing, Phil?” Dan began from behind the camera.

Phil was on the floor of their bedroom at the new house, dozens of pieces of furniture surrounding him. “We’re putting together the bed,” Phil said, glancing up at the camera with a worried expression.

Dan laughed. “It’s not going great, is it?”

“These directions are insane!” Phil exclaimed, holding up a thin sheet of paper. “There’s like three steps, but a hundred different pieces!”

“Not in English either.”

“No! We were given the Russian instructions, so I can only go by the pictures.”

“So, basically, when we lay on it, it’ll fall apart?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded. “Most likely.”

“Wonderful. Well, while you work on that,” Dan said, turning the camera around toward himself, “I’m going to show everyone the kitchen.”

“Don’t abandon me!” Phil whined as Dan left the room.

“Only one set of instructions, Philly.”

“I hate you!”

Dan smiled at the camera, “We’re so kind to one another.”

He walked down a hallway, then down some stairs, going through the living room to head into the kitchen. “Our appliances arrived,” he said, flipping the camera to show the room. “They look amazing. I still think we should have gotten a fridge with a TV,” he sighed, “but I won’t get into _that_ right now.”

He walked to the sink, rubbing his free hand over the marble texture. “This is my baby,” he said. “I’m going to spend hours at this sink, scrubbing dishes-”

“Pssht!” Phil interrupted, walking into the room.

Dan quickly turned around. “What do you mean, ‘Pssht’?”

“I mean, you had _me_ do the dishes last night in your precious sink because of the soap.”

“I can’t help you didn’t get the sensitive dish soap! Do you really want me to have dry, cracked hands?”

Phil rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he leaned against the counter.

“Besides,” Dan continued, “we only have like three dishes here. It’s not like it was a hard job.”

“I’m just saying, the sink was over budget.”

Dan sighed deeply. “What are you doing out here anyway? Don’t you have a bed to put together?”

“I needed some water,” Phil replied, pushing himself away from the counter and going to the fridge. He opened it, grabbing a pitcher of water. “And I need help,” he added, getting a cup from their nearly-empty cabinet.

“I thought you could do all the work and I’d just watch,” Dan replied cheekily.

Phil glanced over at him, his eyes moving past the camera to stare at Dan. “I’m not your slave,” he said, no anger in his words.

“You will be once I get my whip out. Just call me Master Danny.”

Phil paused, then grabbed his cup of water and headed out of the room. “I’m gone.”

Dan turned the camera back toward himself, smiling as though he’d won some big award. “If you ever want Phil to leave a room, just turn on a camera and make the conversation blatantly sexual. Master Danny is good at that.”

“Stop calling yourself Master Danny!” Phil called out. “And come help me!”

 

**March 1, 2019**

“I’m alone,” Dan said, sitting down on the couch. “Phil went to visit his family. I was going to go, but I decided to stay behind and do some more housework. I’ll go to the house tomorrow and paint one of the guest bedrooms. We decided on white for all the spares-”

He paused, rolling his eyes.

“ _White_ ,” he repeated. “I sound like Phil. It’s not actually white. It’s called Honeymilk. It’s a pretty calming color, actually, because white is usually just so, like, bright and in your face, you know? This white- Honeymilk- is more chill.”

He picked up his phone, staring at it for a second before setting it back down beside him on the couch. “Phil, however, just kept saying it was white. Over and over, ‘It’s just white, Dan. We have twenty samples and they’re all white.’ He’s wrong though, and I’ll prove it to him after I paint the rooms. He’ll be shocked.”

Dan moved around so he could rest his legs along the couch. “Anyway, besides that, I’m going to try and film a video or two for my channel. I’ve said it before, I need silence and alone time to get my creativity flowing.”

He made a gagging face to the camera. “That sounds so ridiculous. Some of you are probably like, ‘Dan? Creative? Since when?’ Don’t be a shit, alright? I mean, it’s not like I need Phil to leave the house every time I need to think of a video, but sometimes it’s nice to have a moment to chill out, alone, and figure out what you want to do.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, relaxing breath. “See? That’s nice.”

Just then, his phone began buzzing beside him. He looked down at it, then picked up it up quickly. “Oh, Phil must’ve gotten to his parents. That’s him now.”

As he answered his phone, he put the camera down and stopped recording.

 

**March 2, 2019**

The camera is set up on the tripod in a guest bedroom. Dan, in sweatpants and a paint-splattered t-shirt, stepped down from a ladder as he let out an annoyed groan.

“I fucking hate fucking painting,” he said, as words began to roll across the screen.

_Dan forgot he had already started recording. Proceed with caution._

“I hate taping the fucking ceiling and smelling fucking paint. I hate it.”

His phone began to ring, the tone only making him more annoyed. “Ugh!” He groaned, walking over to his phone and picking it up off of the ground. “Shut up,” he said to the ringing before he answered. “Yeah?”

More words scrolled across the bottom of the screen.

_Please enjoy listening to half of a conversation between Dan and Phil._

“No, everything’s fine.”

“I’m just busy, Phil. Is something the matter?”

Dan placed a hand on his hip, looking impatient. “I’m trying to get this done. It’s a lot when I’m doing it myself.”

“I know I didn’t, Phil, but it’s really not all going to get done in time if I don’t.”

Dan sighed, sitting down and leaning against a wall that hadn’t been painted yet. “I know, I know. I didn’t- I’m sorry,” he said, his voice losing it’s sharp tone.

“How’s everyone?”

“Yeah, I miss them too. I’ll visit next time though.”

He relaxed more, resting his head back against the wall. “It’s fucking white, okay?” He said after a moment, a smile creeping up on his face. “I admit it. It’s white, and I don’t care. It’ll look good though.”

He glanced around the room, looking at the camera for the first time. He made a face, as though he were acknowledging the fact his semi-breakdown had been recorded.

“Yeah, I need to get back to painting anyway. Call later.”

“Alright.”

“You too.”

“Bye.”

 

**March 3, 2019**

“It’s my last day alone,” Dan said, sitting on his bed. His back was against the headboard and he had his covers up close to his chest. “Thank God. I swear, I always get excited when I know I’m going to get some alone time, and then by day two I am so over it. I’m like, fuck this shit! The house makes creepy noises, there’s no one to do anything with, and recording a video by myself is stressful. Not to mention, I can’t watch any new shows cause Phil and I watch them all together. I’m left with political shows that Phil doesn’t like, but watching too much of that makes the blood pressure rise.”

Dan turned his neck from side to side, as though he were trying to loosen his muscles. “But, anyway, I’m waiting on Mr. Lester to FaceTime me,” he said, turning the camera around to show his computer on his lap, the FaceTime app open and ready to accept the call. “He’s running late, the nerd. He needs to-”

Just then, a call popped up, and Dan quickly answered. “Phil!” He exclaimed, moving the camera up so Phil could see it through the webcam. “We’ve been waiting on you!”

“Hi!” Phil waved. He was wearing his glasses, his hair pushed back slightly. “I was finishing up a game of charades with everyone,” he explained.

“Oh, how’d you do?” Dan asked with a laugh.

“Not good at all.”

“Oh no! We always win Lester family charades!”

“I know. But you weren’t here and Martyn ended up being my partner and it was terrible. We have to fix it next time.”

“We will!” Dan replied. Although he could only be seen in a tiny corner from the app, he was smiling brightly. “What time do you get in tomorrow?”

“Should be by one or two. We should get lunch somewhere.”

“All you ever think about is food, you dork!”

“I can’t help it!” Phil laughed. “I’m hungry!”

“You sent me photos of desserts earlier and said you ate like ten cookies and brownies!”

Phil nodded. “I did, but now I need some cereal or toast or something before bed.”

“You have a problem, Phil.”

“I know. But what have you doing while I’ve been gone?” He asked, glancing at the camera that Dan was still holding up.

“Oh you know, the usual. Strippers, dressing up in my fursona, laying on the floor drooling while I had a crisis or two.”

“A regular weekend at our flat, then?”

“Of course. Is there anything you want to say to the people before I let them go?” Dan asked.

“Um, don’t send pictures of food to people and admit what you’ve eaten, then tell them you’re hungry, cause they’ll judge you for it.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh my God! I’ll hang up on you, Lester.”

Phil smiled. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I guess I’ll just say to never expect your brother to be a good charades partner.”

“He can’t help he doesn’t have our telekinesis powers, Phil,” Dan replied.

Phil shrugged. “True.”

“Alright, I’m turning off the camera now. Bye everyone!”

Phil waved as the camera faded out.

 

**March 4, 2019**

“Guess who’s back?!” Dan asked before quickly whipping around so Phil was in the background of the shot. “It’s Phil!”

“Hi!” Phil waved, smiling at the camera. He was standing beside their bed, cleaning out his suitcase.

“All the people missed you,” Dan said, glancing over his shoulder to Phil.

“Oh, they did, did they?” He replied, then sighed dramatically. “I’m glad someone did.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I missed you too, Phil,” he said, sticking out his tongue to gag afterward.

“Aw! That was so meaningful,” Phil replied sarcastically. He emptied out the last few shirts in his suitcase and laid them on the bed, then zipped up his luggage.

“Come sit,” Dan said, moving toward the bed and sitting down.

“I need to put everything away.”

“It can wait.”

Phil set the suitcase on the floor and crawled across the bed on his knees until he was beside Dan.

“Were you bored without me, Phil?” Dan asked as Phil settled in beside him. They were shoulder to shoulder, with Dan holding the camera out so they’d both be in the shot.

“It wasn’t the same,” Phil replied, scrunching his nose. “You have no idea how bad charades went.”

“We’ve won every single time, Phil. I can’t believe we lost the crown!”

“I know! It couldn’t be helped though. Like, I’m used to just making one little move and you know exactly what I’m doing.”

“We are weirdly connected,” Dan agreed.

“We are. But we’ll get our crown back when we return, I’m sure of it!”

Dan laughed. “We’ll have to practice beforehand just so we know we’re still on the same page.”

“Definitely,” Phil replied with a nod. “So, what were you up to? Did you miss me?”

“I did, but mostly because I was afraid I’d be murdered, and because I had to tape the ceiling myself when I painted the bedrooms.”

“That’s the only reasons?” Phil questioned, pretending to be offended.

“I’m sure when you watch the tapes back you’ll see just how desperate I was for your return, Lester,” Dan said, glancing over at him.

“Alright, alright. How’d the painting go?”

“I got two rooms done! I thought I’d only get one, but I guess my anger and frustration fueled me to complete it.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Phil replied, starting to yawn. His head was beginning to drift to the side, almost resting on Dan’s shoulder.

“Philly’s sleepy from his trip, isn’t he?”

Phil nodded. “Little bit.”

“Would you like me to record you falling asleep?”

“I’d rather not.”

Dan laughed. “Okay, well, we’ll just go then. How about that?”

Phil gave the camera a thumbs up. “Good idea.”

 

**March 10, 2019**

“We’ve had a setback recently,” Phil started, walking down the hall of their new home and going into the bedroom.

“Here’s your pills,” he said to Dan, who was sitting on the bed. He was leaning back against the headboard with his eyes closed.

Dan opened his eyes, taking the pills from Phil. “Thank you,” he said, his voice softer than usual. He picked up a cup of water from a new bedside table and swallowed the pills. “Did you tell them?”

“No,” Phil replied, sitting down on the other side of the bed. “I just started recording on my way back.”

Dan looked over at the camera, his eyes droopy. He looked exhausted. “We wanted to keep the original flooring in a few of the rooms. The extra bathroom, two of the bedrooms, and the living room.”

“We were getting the floors like buffed or whatever,” Phil continued, “because the bedrooms and living room have original hardwood floors. It turns out, there’s tons of water damage underneath.”

“We couldn’t tell cause we’re stupid,” Dan said, his fingers pressing down hard on his forehead.

“That’s not why,” Phil replied, glancing over at Dan. “Even the guys who came to do the flooring said it was hard to tell until you got up really close. Anyway, all the flooring in the bedrooms and living room has to go.”

“Which sets us way back on when everything should be finished.”

“Maybe not. We’ve still got time.”

Dan groaned, sinking down further into the bed. It lacked sheets and a comforter, and the pillows they were using were really couch pillows, but Dan didn’t seem to care right now. “My head still hurts.”

Phil sighed, biting at his lip. “Give the medicine a minute. I’m sure it’ll kick in soon.”

 

**March 14, 2019**

“London, London, London!” Dan repeated, moving the camera around quickly to take in all the sights surrounding them. He quickly turned the camera toward Phil. “Where are we, Phil?”

Phil laughed. “Um, I’m not sure. Is it London?”

“Ding, ding, ding! You win that piece of gum on the ground!” He exclaimed, zooming in on a pink piece of gum.

“Oh, I think I’ll pass.”

As Dan and Phil continued to walk, Dan held the camera out so they were both in view. “Phil and I decided to take a little stroll through London. We don’t actually do that very often, but seeing as we won’t even have the opportunity to do it soon, we figure we better go at least once more.”

“Yeah, our rare ventures outside of the house will be slightly different once we leave here.”

“Will you miss it?” Dan asked, smiling at Phil.

Phil shrugged. “A little, probably. Lots of memories here. The new place will be nice though. There’s a dog park like half a mile down the road, so we could walk to that.”

“That’s true. And there’s a cute downtown area, what, like five minutes away?”

“About that,” Phil replied with a nod.

“Yeah, it’ll be good. Different though.”

“Very! It’ll be quieter. We won’t be woken up by sirens every night, or window washers in the morning.”

“That was pretty awkward,” Dan said, covering his mouth as he laughed. “It won’t smell as much either.”

“No. Our new little downtown smells like Italian food and flowers. It’s a perfect combination for my nose.”

“It does smell pretty damn good. I’m excited for it.”

“Me too. And London isn’t too far away should we ever miss the underground, aggressive homeless people, and that thick garbage scent.”

Dan smiled, clutching his chest, “Ah, home!”

 

**March 18, 2019**

“It’s not funny,” Phil said, crossing his arms. They were sitting in the gaming room, the camera set up above the computer.

“It’s a little funny,” Dan replied, still laughing. He had his phone in his hands, staring down at something.

“People are actually being serious about it though.”

“That’s what makes it funny!”

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed as Dan turned his phone around toward the camera. “I’ll blur her face out, the poor woman, but apparently this is Phil’s new girlfriend,” he said, showing a photo. It was Phil next to a woman in the grocery store. They were both laughing as she handed him an item.

“You’re a horrible person.”

“What’s her name, Phil?” Dan asked, settling back into his seat. “Why haven’t you told me about her? Is she moving in with us?”

“No, cause you’re not moving in now. I’m just moving in with grocery lady,” he replied, holding his head up high.

“Wow,” Dan said, shaking his head. “You don’t even know her name.”

“Because all she did was help me pick out cheese!”

Dan gasped. “No!”

“It was cheese for you, you jerk,” Phil replied, a small smile appearing on his face. “And I made a stupid cheese pun that I can’t even remember, and she was kind enough to laugh. And then this happened. I’m never doing anything for you ever again.”

“Well,” Dan said, reading off of his phone, “someone named Sarah said her friend’s sister saw you two leave together, and then you made out in the back of her vehicle.”

“Yes, well, Sarah’s friend’s sister has quite the imagination,” Phil replied, scooting his chair closer to the gaming desk. “Can we start filming now, please?”

“Oh, Philly, it’s alright. I always knew this day would come.”

Phil sighed, looking over at Dan. “Daniel, please.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I still think it’s funny though.”

Phil nodded. “Yes, I know.”

 

**March 22, 2019**

“We’ve been going over our calendar for the next month,” Phil said. He was sitting on the couch with Dan next to him.

“I think I’m going to go insane, Phil. Like, actually going insane,” Dan said, staring down at the calendar in his lap.

“I think we’ll figure it out,” Phil replied, although he didn’t sound very optimistic.

Dan stared at him for a moment, then looked at the camera. “Our lease is up at the end of next month. The house is supposed to be nearly done, and it’s not close. We need to be packing, and moving boxes into rooms that we can actually use for the time being. But we need most of the stuff we have, so we can’t move it until last minute. We also need to be filming a ton of videos to hold off on people knowing about the house for at least a few months. And, at the same time, we have a convention to go to in California!”

“Let’s just take a breath,” Phil said, holding out a hand to stop Dan. “Just in and out.”

Dan took a couple of deep breaths, but it didn’t seem to help him much. “It’s just, when we said yes to the convention, we didn’t really take everything into account and we can’t cancel now because people already have tickets for our events. It’s too much though, Phil. It’s just… I- I’m feeling a bit stressed.”

“I know. I am too, but I really think it’ll all be fine,” Phil replied, looking over at Dan. “We’ve had to figure out more stressful things before and we did it.”

“That’s true,” Dan agreed. “I just want it all to be figured out right now.”

“I do too. But, it’s late, and we’re tired, and I think we should go to bed and worry about it in the morning. Alright?”

Dan nodded, taking in another deep breath. “Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've received so many sweet comments on here and tumblr over this story and it makes me so happy! Thank you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	6. Month Six

**March 28, 2019**

“I’m having a stress, Phil. I’m having a stress,” Dan repeated as he vigorously stirred pasta sauce.

“I know. That’s why I brought out the camera,” Phil replied, setting the camera on a tripod in the corner of the room. “It usually helps calm you down.”

“I don’t think it will anymore,” Dan said, setting down the spoon and picking up a spatula. He began chopping up ground beef, which was cooking in a frying pan. “I think I’ve gotten so used to it by now that all of its powers have disappeared.”

“Well, we did say we were gonna be more open and honest,” Phil replied, opening a box of spaghetti. “I guess we needed to get used to the camera being turned on eventually.”

“Phil, why aren’t you breaking the noodles before putting them into the water?” Dan asked, already reaching over to take the noodles from Phil.

He gave them up without a fight. “Since when do you care?” Phil asked curiously.

“ _I_ don’t care, y _ou_ always care. You used to always complain about the noodles being too long, so I break them before I put them in the pot.”

“I never cut them up when I cook,” Phil replied.

“I know. And you always complain.”

Phil moved back to give Dan more space and placed a hand on his hip. “So you break the spaghetti just for me?” He asked. “That’s so sweet.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “It take five extra seconds, Phil. It’s not like I have to make special, short noodles for you by hand.”

“Still,” Phil replied with a shrug. “Do you want me to help, or no?”

“You asked me that already,” Dan replied, picking up the spatula again and chopping the meat some more.

“I know, and you said yes. But, since then, you’ve made the sauce, taken over the meat, and you just stole my noodles.”

Dan sighed. “Just… Just tell people why I’m stressed,” Dan said, motioning toward the camera.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about it already.”

“See! We’re both getting more used to it being on. It’s terrifying.”

Phil turned to look at the camera, his back to Dan. “Dan’s nervous because we have to meet with the landlord in a couple of days and ask if we can rent month to month until the house is complete. No one can come put in new flooring until like the middle of May-”

“And God only knows what else is going to go wrong,” Dan interrupted, shaking salt into the spaghetti pot.

“I think it’ll all be okay.” Phil turned back toward Dan. “I think he’ll let us do month to month. We’ve been good tenants this whole time. We even decided to tell him we’d pay extra, if necessary.”

Dan paused for a brief moment to take a breath. “I think I’m going to make homemade garlic bread.”

Phil sighed. “Oh dear.”

 

**April 1, 2019**

As Phil held the camera up to his face, he looked slightly to the left of it and sighed, as though he was trying to think of what to say. He was sitting on his couch with his back leaning against the armrest.

“So,” he began, “it _is_ April Fool’s Day, but I can guarantee you this is not a prank. Um, the landlord denied Dan and I for month to month rent. We found out, like, two days ago. We didn’t really feel like filming anything right after we found out, because we both had convinced ourselves that we’d get to stay.”

He rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. He looked exhausted. “Dan was on the fence at first, but I kept being so positive about it that he finally came around and he thought everything would be fine. And then the landlord said no, and we were both just in shock or something.”

He moved to sit up straighter and pulled his shirt down so it wasn’t bunched up. “We’ll have to find a storage place to put our things in. We were going to move the boxes into some rooms that _are_ finished, but apparently redoing the flooring can make the entire house a dusty mess, so we don’t want to do that. We’ll have to get the whole place cleaned after, as though it was a brand new home.”

He sighed, looking away from the camera for a moment to pick at a loose thread on the couch. “Plus, we really still have things that need to be done in all of the rooms. We’ll have to find a hotel or something to stay in until everything is finished. I mean, it’s all okay. We can do it. It’s not like it’s the worst thing in the world, it’s just… It’s not how we planned everything.”

Phil moved around again, as though he couldn’t get comfortable no matter how he sat. “I know you’re all wondering where Dan’s at, and he’s been in bed for a while. He wanted to take a nap. It’s been a lot to take in and he hasn’t felt like being in front of the camera so-” Phil paused, looking away from the camera as some shuffling noises happened offscreen. “Hey, you want me to turn it off?”

“It’s fine,” Dan mumbled. Phil moved his legs off of the couch and turned so Dan could be seen.

He sat down right beside Phil, wrapped up in a blanket. He was blinking heavily, nearly leaning his head onto Phil’s shoulder.

“I was telling them about everything that happened,” Phil said, his voice softer now.

“How everything’s ruined?” Dan asked, a bitterness present even in his sleepy state.

“I was trying to make it a bit more positive than that.”

“Tried to do too much,” Dan said, slouching down. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “Didn’t think it through.”

“No, but we’ll get through it,” Phil replied. “It’ll just be an adventure.”

“I don’t remember signing up for this adventure,” Dan said.

“That’s what makes it so adventurous.” Phil smiled, nudging at Dan with his shoulder.

Dan smiled, opening his eyes again to look over at Phil. “You’re a dork.”

“But I made you smile,” Phil boasted.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Can we try and be positive now?” Phil asked.

Dan let out a deep breath. “Sure, fine. It’ll all be okay,” he said, giving the camera a thumbs up. “Maybe… Probably not though-”

_“Dan.”_

“But maybe!”

 

**April 4, 2019**

“I’ve officially reached acceptance,” Dan said, smiling into the camera. He was standing in the living room with Phil sitting on the couch behind him, putting boxes together.

“I think he’s on drugs,” Phil said, not bothering to look up from the box.

“Nope. No drugs. I’m just free,” Dan replied, sticking an arm up in the air and spinning around once. “I’m accepting whatever comes, and I’m zen. Completely, and totally, zen.”

“Drugs,” Phil mumbled.

Dan glanced back at him, “Phil, they’re going to think I actually do drugs.”

“He doesn’t do drugs, guys!” Phil exclaimed, throwing a finished box on the ground and getting to work on another. “I’m just kidding.”

“Thank you. Now, I’ve filmed a couple of videos for my channel and, tonight, we’re filming four or five gaming videos.”

“Where’s the marker?” Phil asked.

“In the kitchen. I’ll go get it.”

As Dan headed toward the kitchen he continued to talk. “The idea was to keep the house a secret until October, when this whole video comes out. So, if we stick to that, I need to film, at least, eight more videos for my main channel. Phil needs, like, fourteen or more for his. And we need way too many gaming videos to count.”

Dan opened a drawer and got out the marker, then headed back to Phil. “Here you go,” he said, handing Phil the marker.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm. Basically,” he continued, sitting down on the couch, “we didn’t think this through at all.”

_“But?”_

“But, I’m keeping up with the positivity,” Dan said, his smile returning. “We’ll get it all worked out! It’ll be amazing! Positive, positive, positive!”

 

**April 8, 2019**

“There’s just not enough time, Dan. I know I said it would be fine, but there’s not enough time.”

Phil’s eyes were wide as he continued placing items into boxes. There was no system. He was just pulling everything that wouldn't break off of shelves and tossing them into boxes.

“It appears you’re having your freak out now, Phil,” Dan replied from behind the camera.

“Of course I’m freaking out!” Phil exclaimed, his voice becoming more high pitched as he spoke. “We’ve got dozens more videos to do altogether. Dozens! We can’t do that. We’ve already bought four extra memory cards to hold everything until we can edit. If we keep doing two videos a week on the gaming channel, then we need nearly fifty videos to keep us until October. _Fifty!”_

“Yes, I heard you, Phil.”

“It’s impossible, damnit!”

“So, we’ll upload once a week for a while. Or we’ll film some in the hotel,” Dan suggested.

“Then they’ll know something’s wrong. This whole thing is supposed to be a surprise in October.” He picked up some plushies off of a shelf and threw them down into a box. “There’s no surprise if they know the surprise before the surprise!”

“Okay, okay,” Dan said, setting the camera down on a shelf and walking over to Phil. “You need to sit down.”

“As if there’s time!”

Dan took ahold of Phil’s shoulder and led him to the couch. “Make time. You’re becoming 'overdramatic-Phil', and I know how much you hate that.”

“I’m getting anxiety,” Phil said, leaning back against the couch cushions.

“I know,” Dan replied, walking over to the boxes and adjusting the items inside. “And you’ve taken it out on all our stuff.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Dan replied softly.

Phil took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “How would we explain the hotel?” he asked.

Dan shrugged. “We could say we’re taking a long vacation, or that something’s wrong with the flat. We’ll have enough videos for a few months, so we could at least hold off until August.”

“I have a headache,” Phil said, pressing his fingers against his temple.

“Go lay down. I’ll carelessly toss stuff into boxes for you.”

Phil stood up, his shoulders sagging a little more than usual. “Sorry for having a breakdown,” he said gently, giving Dan’s arm a poke before heading off to their room.

“I had my turn, now it’s yours.”

 

**April 12, 2019**

“The floors are officially gone,” Dan said, panning the camera around the living room. “And Phil keep sneezing. Any lingering thoughts we had about staying here with no floors is out the window.”

Dan headed upstairs, going past the master bedroom and toward their guest bathroom.

“How goes it, Phil?”

“My dad would be happy to know the tools he got me over a decade ago are finally being used,” Phil replied, half of his body lying inside a cabinet.

“Philly’s trying to fix our sink,” Dan explained, kneeling down so he could film Phil doing the work. “He’s got a whole handyman vibe going for him right now. Very sexy.”

“Ow!” Phil yelped as his head banged into the side of the cabinet. “You made me hit my head! Don’t say things like that.”

“Well, I won’t now,” Dan replied with a laugh. “You just ruined it.”

“You’re terr-” Phil paused to sneeze. “You’re terrible.”

“As terrible as your allergies?”

“Even worse.”

“Oh God, that is bad,” Dan replied dramatically.

He was silent for a few seconds as Phil continued to work, sitting down properly with his legs crossed. “Are you sure you’re doing it right?” He asked.

“Not at all,” Phil said. “I just watched a tutorial on YouTube and it said this would stop the leaking.”

“If it doesn’t work we should leave YouTube for good,” Dan replied.

“Maybe we should wait until the house is paid off.”

“Eh, I guess.”

There was a jumpcut, and then Phil was moving out from under the cabinet, a wide smile on his face. “It worked!” He exclaimed to both Dan and the camera.

“He did it!” Dan yelled, holding out his hand for a high five.

Phil gladly gave him one. “I can’t believe I did it!”

“Me either!”

Phil gave him a fake glare. “Hey!”

“You know what I mean! You fixed a sink, Phil. You’re so hench now.”

Phil held his arms up, flexing for the camera. “Look at these muscles.”

“Oh my God, Phil,” Dan laughed. “Put them away. You’re making everyone pregnant.”

“Oh yeah,” Phil replied in a slow, deep voice, nodding his head and trying to wink.

“Nope, never mind. Everyone just got un-pregnant.”

“Oh no,” Phil said, still using his creepy voice.

Dan laughed even harder, making the camera shake. “You’re such a freak.”

 

**April 16, 2019**

“All we’ve done for the past four days is film and pack,” Dan said, walking around the flat. There were boxes sitting around everywhere. “We’ve got like two rooms that aren’t packed yet, cause that’s where we’re filming everything still. We’ll do the gaming room and the office last.”

Dan walked to the gaming room and sat down in a chair, letting out a sigh as he did. “I think this is the first time I’ve sat down today. Yesterday, I would pack while Phil filmed, and then we’d swap. I think I got two videos done. He got three. It was insane though. I found him on the living room floor, draped over a box, fast asleep.”

“What are you talking about?” Phil asked, coming into the room. Dan moved the camera around so they’d both be seen as Phil sat down in the chair beside him.

“I was talking about you falling asleep on a box.”

“Oh, yeah! That was a nightmare,” Phil said, his eyes going wide. “I have no idea how that happened. I remember putting books into a box, and then nothing. I must’ve just collapsed.”

“It took me twenty minutes to wake you up. You might not have been asleep,” Dan said, glancing at Phil. “You might have passed out.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what it was. Either way, it wasn’t great for my neck.”

“You’re getting too old to pass out on floors,” Dan said.

“I am. I think I’ve been too old for that for about seven years now.”

“You definitely have. You’re such an old man.”

“We’re both old and you know it,” Phil said, poking Dan’s side. “You’re possibly older than me, body-wise.”

“How’s that?!”

“The other day with the-” Phil froze, then looked over at the camera as though he had forgotten it was there. “The _thing.”_

“The thing?”

“Dan, the _thing._ You know, we used to... but now-”

“Oh! Oh, God, the _thing._ Okay, well, I think it’s time for us to go do some Easter baking, is it not.”

Phil cleared his throat. “Yup. Yeah, it is. We might be able to go to sleep before midnight tonight.”

Dan laughed loudly. “You wish.”

 

**April 20, 2016**

“And you have your passport, right?”

“Yes, Phil, I have my passport.”

“I have to check, Dan.” Phil brought the camera up to his face. “Oops, didn’t know I was recording yet. Anyway, we’re about to leave for California. We’ve got a convention to go to, which we’ve already mentioned before-”

“And our house is empty!” Dan interrupted, coming up behind Phil.

“Yeah, it’s completely empty now. Thanks to some very helpful friends, and my brother and his girlfriend, all of our stuff is in storage. The things we’ll need once we get back are with my brother. Uh-”

“We found a hotel,” Dan continued. “It’s just a regular little hotel suite thing we’ll be staying in. We don’t know how long we’ll be there, so we figured it would be better to get a place with more than a bed. It’ll be an interesting experience.”

“Yeah, it should be fine,” Phil agreed. “I think we have enough videos filmed to do us through, what, like August?”

“ _Maybe_ August.”

“Yeah, and we’ll figure out what to do after that. Doing some stuff at the hotel wouldn’t be bad though.”

Dan pulled his phone from his pocket to look at the time. “We need to go in ten minutes.”

“Okay. Well, we wanted you guys to be with us as we said goodbye to the apartment. We’ll do one last look around and then go.”

Phil turned the camera around so everyone could see the room. “This was our downstairs living room, and then there’s the office.”

“Where all my videos were filmed.”

“Are you gonna miss it?”

“I think I’ll prefer the new setup, whenever it gets finished. This was a good little office though.”

They moved on from the office and toward a hallway. “Here’s where my videos were filmed,” Phil said, showing the now-empty room. “I’m still keeping my comforter, by the way!”

“Oh God!” Dan laughed. “I hate that bloody comforter. I keep hoping it’ll tear apart in the wash.”

“You hardly ever see it!” Phil exclaimed.

“I’ve been seeing it for nearly a decade, Phil.”

“Let’s move on to the gaming room.”

“Now we did spend many hours in here,” Dan said, walking into the room in front of Phil so he’d be on camera.

“How many hours would you guess?”

“I don’t know. Hundreds! Remember the one time we played thirty minutes of some god-awful game before we realized the camera wasn’t on?”

“Oh, yes! That was terrible. And we had to refilm the entire thing. I thought you’d explode with anger.”

Dan nodded. “I thought I would too.”

“Let’s head upstairs. Bye, gaming room!”

There was a jumpcut and then they were in the upstairs living room. “We’ve quite possible played even more video games up here,” Dan said.

“Yeah. And eaten more pizza than should be allowed.”

“It’s been fun though.”

“It has been a good flat. Weird, but good.”

“It’s because of these fucking walls!” Dan exclaimed, pointing over to a round wall. “They’re so useless! We couldn’t hang shit in here.”

“They are strange. I thought they were cool when we first moved in, but I got over them pretty fast.”

“Me too.”

Another jumpcut and they were in the bedroom.

“Ah, the moon room,” Phil said with a small laugh.

“Yes, the moon room. It was never quite what we expected-”

“No, it never got the full moon look.”

“Nope. But it was nice. Very aesthetic.”

“It was good to us.”

Dan gave Phil a judgy look. “That sounds so weird, Phil. Don’t say the room was good to us!”

“But it was! It was a good room.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but agreed. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it did what rooms do.”

There was one final jumpcut and they were back near the front door. “We have to go now,” Phil said. “And we didn’t actually show the entire place because I don’t think you care to say goodbye to the bathrooms.”

“You know we’ll get angry comments about the missing bathrooms.”

“I think I forgot to film the kitchen too,” Phil added.

“So, basically, this entire thing was a fail.”

“Forgive us!” Phil begged, squeezing his eyes shut.

“It’s too late. They’ve all unsubscribed.”

“Oh no. Well, if there’s anyone left, we’ll see you next in California. And that’s it until then. Bye, apartment!”

Dan smiled, lifting up his hand to wave. “Bye, apartment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, guys! I tried to get it finished sooner, but life decided to not let me do that.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you think :)
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	7. Month Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big Thank You to tumblr user corgisocks for looking info up for me when I was too lazy to do it myself! Everyone go follow them! They're kind, funny, and drama free!

**April 22, 2019**

“Ugh!” Dan groaned, lying face down in his hotel room bed.

Phil laughed from behind the camera. “You have to say more than that.”

“No. Never talking again.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

Dan turned his head, glaring over at Phil, who was standing beside the bed. “Now’s not the time to be funny, Lester.”

“Come on, just tell everyone why you’re so grumpy.”

“It’s your fault,” Dan replied, still glaring. “You made me socialize.”

“Oh, I made you, did I?”

“Yes, you did. You were the one who said we should go to the ‘dinner party’ which was clearly not just a dinner party.”

“How was I supposed to know we’d be there until two in the morning?” Phil asked.

“You’re supposed to protect me from human beings, Phil. That’s what I hired you for.”

“See, this is where it all went wrong,” Phil replied. “I thought _I_ was the one who hired _you_.”

Dan dropped his head back down on the bed. “Six hours. Six straight hours of talking to people, Phil. I’m going to die.”

“I don’t think you’ll die, Dan. Just get changed and get into bed, sleep it off.”

Dan shook his head. “Can’t move. Take off my shoes,” he said, wiggling his feet.

Phil sighed. “You’re such a child sometimes, Dan,” he said, sitting the camera down on the entertainment center and walking over to Dan.

He pulled Dan’s shoes off for him, tossing them over to the corner of the room.

“You better not keep them there,” Dan said. “You’ll trip when you get up to pee in the middle of the night.”

“I’ll move them after I get a shower,” Phil replied. He walked over to a closet and pulled out an extra blanket. “I take it you’re not moving?”

“Nope.”

Phil opened the blanket and put it over Dan.

Dan smiled slightly. “Thank you,” he mumbled, sleep already starting to take over.

“Goodnight, Danny,” Phil said, picking the camera back up and turning it off.

 

**April 26, 2019**

“How would you rate the convention?” Dan asked, holding the camera out to the side so they could both be seen.

“I think it was good,” Phil said, glancing back and forth from the camera to the path in front of them. “We met loads of good people, and got to see all our friends who live here.”

“Yeah, I think it was good too,” Dan agreed. “It has been a bit of a social overload for me though.”

Phil nodded. “It’s gotten that way for me a few times too.”

“It’s just, almost every moment, you’re with someone new, you know? I was asked ‘how have you been’ about thirty times in a single day, and you can only lie and say ‘fine’ so many times,” Dan said with a slight smile.

“Which is why lying to everyone was a good idea tonight.”

Dan laughed. “Yeah, we told each person who wanted to hang out with us that we were hanging out with someone else. They’re totally going to know we lied.”

“Not until it’s too late though.”

“True.” They stopped at a crosswalk, looking both ways before crossing the street. “Me and Phil are going to dinner now. Some sushi place. It’s the first time we’ve gotten to be alone, besides going to sleep, since we got here.”

“We’re following the directions on my phone,” Phil continued, holding up his phone for a brief second. “And we’re almost there.”

“Alright. Well, I don’t want everyone at the restaurant to look at me like I’m an idiot for holding a camera up to my face, so I’m gonna go.”

 

**April 30, 2019**

“What are you doing?” Dan asked, looking over at Phil, who was currently holding the camera.

“I’m bored.”

“So you’re just filming me staring at my phone?”

“I was until you looked up from your phone. Now I’m filming you talking to me.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re such a weirdo.”

“I’m a bored weirdo,” Phil replied. “We’ve been here for three hours. I told you we’d be too early.”

“We’re usually at the airport too late. Wouldn’t you rather be way too early for our flight than too late?”

Phil sighed. “Bored.”

Dan looked back down at his phone. “Then go to the shops again.”

“We’ve already been in them all.”

“Go buy me a surprise.”

“I don’t want to buy you a surprise.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Philly,” Dan said, clearly more interested in whatever he was looking at on his phone.

Phil kept recording, waiting a few seconds before slouching a bit in his seat. He reached his legs out until his feet were tapping against Dan’s.

“What are you doing now?” Dan asked after three taps.

“Our feet are having a war,” he said, focusing the camera down on their legs.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re losing,” Phil replied, tapping the top of Dan’s shoes and making explosion noises.

Dan began wiggling his own feet, until they both appeared to be in a sword fight with their legs.

“This is the dumbest thing we’ve ever done,” Dan said, laughing loudly.

“I highly doubt that,” Phil said. “And I’m still winning.”

“How would you even know?!”

“I have a strategy. You’ll tire out soon, Howell.”

“Unlikely, Lester. You’re having to reach your legs out more than me.”

“But I have the strength you lack.”

Ha! What strength?”

“That’s cruel.”

“That’s war.”

Phil gasped dramatically. “Wow, I did not expect a lesson with a foot war.”

“Expect the unexpected with- Oh, there’s someone coming,” Dan said, quickly moving his feet away from Phil.

Phil sat up straight, wiggling the camera around before turning it off.

 

**May 3, 2019**

“You know, I _can_ do something,” Phil said, lying on a hotel bed.

Dan was across the room, placing their clothes into a dresser. “No, you can’t. You always throw everything into drawers and then I have to redo it.”

“I do know how to fold things,” Phil replied.

“You do?” Dan asked, glancing back at him. “It’s a shame you’ve never shown me.”

“Ouch. That hurts.”

“You’ll survive.”

“Why don’t you come rest for a bit?” Phil asked, patting beside him on the bed. “You’ve been putting stuff away for hours.”

“It’s been half an hour, and it’s only taken this long because you destroyed this suitcase when you packed it.”

Phil groaned. “Come sit,” he begged. “Tell the people where we are.”

“Is it not possible for you to tell them?”

“Nope. You have to.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He walked over to the bed and sat down, crossing his legs.

“You’re gonna sit over there?” Phil asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Cause then they can’t see both of our faces.”

“Phil, if I sit with my back against the headboard then you know I won’t want to get back up. I’m sitting over here.”

Phil sighed. “Fine. Tell them where we are.”

“We’re at our temporary home,” Dan replied, holding his arms out and motioning around the room. “This is the bedroom. The living room and kitchen area are behind those doors,” he said, pointing behind him. “And the bathroom is to the left of me.”

“How long do you think we’ll be here?”

“At this rate, two years.”

Phil laughed. “No, be serious.”

Dan smiled. “Um, maybe a couple of months. Hopefully less. Okay, I’m getting back to unpacking,” he said, scooting off the bed.

“No,” Phil whined. “Are you ever going to relax?”

“Of course I will... once everything is put away properly.”

Phil turned the camera around to show his face. “That means no.”

 

**May 8, 2019**

“We’ve been doing nothing but housework for four days,” Phil said, the camera placed on a tripod in the bedroom of their new house. “We have no floors still, but we’ve got everything in the bathrooms fixed, and now we’re waiting on someone to deliver our washer and dryer. I think everything’s moving along quite well.”

“Yeah, for now,” Dan said from his spot on the bed, staring down at his laptop.

Phil looked over at him. “Stop saying that. Also, it looks really weird for me to be standing here and you to be sitting on the bed.”

“This is supposed to be a realistic look at our lives. We’re the epitome of weird, Phil.”

“Yeah, but this is too weird. I’m gonna sit down.” Instead of going around, Phil simply crawled over Dan’s legs to sit on the other side of the bed.

“Unnecessary,” Dan said, crossing his legs.

“Let’s tell them what we’re doing now.”

“We’re getting ready to film our porno,” Dan deadpanned.

“Dan!”

“Well, that’s what it looks like. For God’s sake, you’ve got a camera on a tripod, aimed at the bed.”

“We’re not filming a porno. We’re searching for a car.”

“Much less fun than the porno, to be honest.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we have to buy something, but we don’t want to go to a car lot without having any knowledge about cars, so we’re researching first.”

“Honestly, none of this makes any sense to me. Every website contradicts one another. Why couldn’t you be a car guy, Phil?”

“Because I was so sure _you’d_ be the car guy.”

“See, this is why you never rely on anyone else. You have to do things for yourself.”

“Well then why aren’t _you_ the car guy?” Phil asked.

“Because I thought you’d be the car guy.”

Phil slid down slightly on the bed. “You exhaust me.”

“It’s a gift.”

“You know my dad comes next month,” Phil said. “We could just have him go with us. He knows things about cars.”

“That’s actually a good idea,” Dan said, closing down his laptop and setting it aside. “So, what now?” He asked, looking over at Phil.

Phil glared at him. “No pornos!”

 

**May 12, 2019**

“Living in a hotel can be difficult,” Phil began, holding the camera up in front of his face. He was walking around outside, all alone.

“We don’t have a ton of room, and we’re both people who need alone time to recharge and stuff, so it can get tough sometimes.”

He looked around for a moment before returning his attention to the camera. “I think I annoyed Dan a bit too much today. I just wanted to listen to music, and I couldn’t find my headphones, and maybe I was singing along kind of loud. At least, that’s what he said.”

Phil switched the camera from one hand to the other. “I’m just walking around the hotel right now. Looks like it might rain. Maybe I could walk around all the floors inside. I haven’t been to the laundry here yet. I could check that out.”

He paused, looking over at his arm and wiping something off. “Yeah, that’s definitely a raindrop… I really should find my headphones.”

 

There was a jumpcut, and now the view was staring out of a window, down to the parking lot of the hotel. “Look at this guy,” Dan said, zooming in on Phil slightly. “I’m using my iPhone by the way, if the quality is shit.”

He focused on Phil, who was walking around the parking lot, talking to the camera. “This nerd gets upset after I get annoyed with his loud singing, while I’m trying to edit a video, and he just grabs the camera and goes outside.”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh as he stared down at Phil. “I mean, my God, it’s about to start pouring on the rat and he’s just walking around. You should’ve seen him huffing, saying he’d be better off out in a spring storm than in here with me.”

He continued watching Phil as raindrops began to fall. Phil eventually pulled his hoodie over his head, but stayed out in the rain.

“Oh God, this dork. I better go get him.”

 

**May 15, 2019**

“You guys, I tell you what,” Dan said, holding the camera out in front of him. “You’re already so suspicious of Phil and I. I’ve been scrolling through tumblr and Twitter, and I swear half of you already think we’re moving. I’m actually surprised by how right some of you are. Little suspicious, not gonna lie-”

“They’re always watching,” Phil said in a spooky voice, sitting down beside Dan on the couch. “Plus we didn’t think the whole liveshow thing through.”

“Yeah, but we both did it in front of white walls, so they shouldn’t have been able to guess everything.”

“You know you shouldn’t doubt our viewers by now. They’re future spies of the world.”

“That’s true.”

“I’m about to order room service,” Phil said, changing the subject. “What do you want for dinner?”

Dan thought for a second before making a face and shaking his head. “I don’t want anything.”

“What? Are you sure?” Phil asked.

“Yeah. I’m more tired than hungry. I think I’ll go to bed early.”

Phil looked at him up and down, as though he were trying to make sure everything was okay. “If you’re sure,” he said after a moment.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Order something for you though, I can hear your stomach growling.”

Dan handed the camera over to Phil before shutting his laptop down and setting it on the couch. “Night, Phil. Night, everyone else,” he said, rubbing his eyes as he got up and headed to the bedroom.

“Night, Dan.”

 

**May 19, 2019**

“I don’t know why I grabbed the camera,” Phil spoke quietly, holding the camera up. “Um, we’re actually at the hospital right now,” he continued, glancing over to his right. “Dan got really sick a few days back, and it just kept getting worse. He was throwing up a lot, nothing would stay down, he had a fever, and I’m pretty sure he was becoming delirious. It was also getting hard for him to breathe. So, last night, we came here. He’s been hooked up to an IV, and he’s got some medication in him. He’s got pneumonia. He’ll be fine, the doctor said, but he’s gotta stay here a couple of days. He’s sleeping now.”

Phil turned the camera so it was on Dan. He was sound asleep in his bed, turned onto his side. One arm was tucked under his head, while the one with the IV laid out straight. “I’ll cut this out if he doesn’t want it shown,” he said.

Dan was sweating a little bit, curls sticking to his forehead. Phil reached over, gently moving the hair off to the side.

“He’ll be fine,” Phil repeated. It seemed he was talking more to himself than anyone watching. “He just needs some rest.”

 

**May 23, 2019**

“Guess who’s back home?” Phil said, spinning the camera around to the bed, where Dan was currently laying. “Dan’s home!”

Dan lazily waved at the camera. He looked exhausted; paler than usual, with dark circles under his eyes. “I survived,” he said, his voice groggy.

“Yes, you did. I mean, I think I aged about forty years, but you survived so that’s what matters.”

“I thought I saw more gray hairs coming up,” Dan said.

“Hey! I do not have gray hair.”

“Not after you dye it.”

“Okay, you’re definitely recovering. How do you feel?”

Dan scrunched up his nose as he thought of a response. “Weird. Tired. More tired than usual.”

“That’s cause you need rest, which I’m going to let you get.” Phil turned the camera around toward himself. “I’m gonna go to the house while the floors get put in, leaving Dan to sleep. I’ve got everything he needs right by his bed, so he shouldn’t have to get up.”

He moved the camera back around to Dan. “You’re not getting up, are you?”

“Not unless I have to pee.”

“Oh, I should’ve brought your bedpan home!”

“No!” Dan said quickly. “I can walk to pee. I’ll be fine. Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

“No, I want you to stay here until you get all better.”

“Fine. I’m too tired to argue. Facetime me when it gets done though.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later, Danny,” Phil said, backing out of the room. “Call or text me if you need anything.”

Dan gave Phil a thumbs up, managing a smile. “Will do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments! I love reading them all. I haven't gotten to respond to as many of you as I'd like, but I read everything and I appreciate it all so much!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	8. Month Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to bewitchinghowell and caecilius-est-on-mars on tumblr for helping me out with my questions for this chapter!

**May 26, 2019**

“It looks so good!” Dan said, staring down at their new floors.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Phil asked from behind the camera. “I was excited for you to get to see them in person.”

“Says the man who wouldn’t let me come two days ago,” Dan said, looking over at him with a smiley glare.

“You needed extra rest, doctor’s orders.”

“I don’t think they meant for me to rest that long, Phil.”

“You can never be too careful. Now talk about the floors again.”

Dan laughed. “They’re really nice. They look better than the original floors did. I was afraid they wouldn’t.”

“So was I. They’re shinier and we didn’t have to do the shining.”

“That’s always a plus.” Dan looked over at Phil, realization hitting him. “Hey, we can start moving in now!” He exclaimed.

“I know! I’m so excited!”

“We need to get everything cleaned and dusted. Should we start today?”

“Nope,” Phil replied. “You should actually sit down.”

“Phil, I’m fine.”

“Listen to Doctor Phil, Howell.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re not a doctor, Phil.”

“A couple more years at university and I could have been.”

Dan laughed loudly. “Not that kind of doctor, you nerd!”

“Shut up! Now go to our bed and sit down.”

“That sounds like some kinky fanfic scenario.”

Phil sighed. _“Dan.”_

“You’re such a mum, Phil,” Dan said, heading up to their bedroom so he could sit down. “ _Your_ mum, to be exact.”

“I can’t help it. Taking care of others is a Lester tradition.”

“ _Your mum_ is a Lester tradition,” Dan mumbled.

“See, you need the rest, Dan. Even your jokes are weak right now.”

“Your mum’s weak right n-”

“Okay, I’m turning this off.”

 

**May 31, 2019**

“Dan’s out right now,” Phl began, walking from the kitchen area to the living room in their hotel. “He’s getting curtains for the house, so I’m going to sit and do some planning for his birthday.”

He sat down on the couch, picking his laptop up off of the coffee table and setting it on his lap.

“He always says he doesn’t want to do anything, but it’s a request I never respect. He’s got this fear of getting older, and I get that to a certain degree, but I won’t let him ever miss a birthday, no matter how hard he tries.”

Phil opened his laptop and began to type. “I’m just pulling Google up right now but I’ll talk to you before I get to the planning.”

Once Google came up, Phil turned his full attention to the camera. “Alright. So, I know Dan really _does_ want to celebrate somehow because he’s always happy once we _are_ celebrating. I don’t want you all thinking I drag him out or something. But, I figured we’d go to dinner with some friends, get dessert out, because I’ll never be able to beat the cake Dan had made for my birthday, and then I’ll give him his gift when we get home.”

Phil looked at the computer again, using one hand to type something. “Sorry, I have to do this before I forget. It’s Dan’s present, but I can’t tell you what it is. No hints. You’ll have to find out with him. On Dan’s birthday, I’m going to have my brother come to the house while we’re out and have it dropped off. I better go and do some research before Dan gets back though, so bye!”

 

**June 2, 2019**

“Dan’s gone visiting family,” Phil began, walking around their new house. “We haven’t finished all of the cleaning in the house, because we’ve had meetings and things to attend, so I’m going to spend today cleaning. And then I’ll spend tonight regretting it and feeling pain in every part of my body.”

He walked into their guest bedroom and pulled out a vacuum. “Oh, I’m also going to turn on Shakira as loud as I can, because we aren’t attached to any other house or flat or anything, so I can do that now. Also, Dan gets tired of Shakira about three songs in, so this is my chance.”

 

There’s a jumpcut, and writing at the bottom of the screen saying _a few hours later._ “Okay, I officially hate cleaning,” Phil said, sitting down on their living room floor. “We were going to hire someone to do it, but I said ‘no, that’s crazy, we can do it ourselves’ and boy what a stupid decision that was. Don’t tell Dan I said that. I can already hear him saying ‘I told you so’ and giving me a face, and it’s like, I get it, you were right. Happy now?”

Phil leaned his head back against the wall. “It’s only two o’clock. My brother is coming over in about an hour and we’re going to start moving some stuff in. I promised Dan I’d Facetime him and make sure everything was put exactly how he wants it. Our goal is to be completely moved in by Dan’s birthday. I think we’ll make it. My parents come to visit soon, and they’re always willing to help, if we’re not already finished. It’s all going good. So, don’t worry Dan. I know you won’t actually see this, possibly for months, so this makes no sense. Maybe, whatever you’re worrying about right now, as you watch this, don’t… Okay, I’ll go now.”

 

**June 5, 2019**

“I’m back home!” Dan announced, holding the camera out in front of him.

“Yay!” Phil exclaimed somewhere offscreen.

“I didn’t figure Phil would get so much done in the time I was gone, cause it was only for a couple of days, but he did a lot.”

“Martyn helped,” Phil sad, his voice closer now. He walked around until he was behind Dan so they’d both be on camera. “He stayed the night and we did as much as we could. He ended up passing out on our couch-”

“Oh, we got a new couch!” Dan interrupted. “Did we tell them about the couch yet?”

“I don’t know, maybe. We can always tell them again.”

“Well, we have a new couch.”

“We got rid of our insanely old, creased couch,” Phil said with a fake pout.

“I’m going to have to do a lot of sitting to find a new crease so I can continue to destroy my spine.”

“Please don’t crease our couch.”

“Oh, I’m gonna crease the couch.”

Phil sighed. “Yeah, I know. Oh, wait, we didn’t tell them!” He exclaimed suddenly, tapping Dan on the shoulder.

“Tell them what?”

“We got a car!”

“Oh yeah! Phil’s parents are visiting,” Dan explained. “They’re with Martyn right now, but Phil’s dad helped us pick out a car yesterday.”

“It’s a BMW-”

“You’re not supposed to tell them the kind of car, Phil, that sounds braggy.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “That’s ridiculous. You said it wasn’t even that much for a new car, and Dad said it was perfectly reasonable.” He paused. “Wait, were you both lying? Was it expensive? Dan, I said we should've bought a used car. It’s not like we’ll use it all that much-”

“Chill, Phil,” Dan interrupted. “It wasn’t that much, and I don’t want to sit in a car that someone else has sweated in, or had sex in, or done something equally as disturbing in.”

Phil grimaced. “Ew. Alright, well then we got a _car._ That’s it, it’s just a _car._ It has no make or model, it’s just a basic car.”

“You’re so annoying, I may just go back to my parents house,” Dan joked, looking back at Phil.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Phil said, smiling brightly. “I’m a living doll.”

Dan snorted. “Yeah. Chucky.”

 

**June 11, 2019**

“What are you doing?” Dan asked as Phil lifted the camera up to his face.

“I need to film it.”

“I really can’t go inside?”

“Not until I’m ready,” Phil replied. “Scooch over, I need to open the door.”

“What the hell is this gift, Phil? Did you buy me a dog?”

Phil laughed. “No, it’s not a dog. We’re picking that out together, remember?”

“Yeah, I was just checking.”

“It’s not a dog.” It took a second for Phil to get the key in the door.

“Is your hand shaking?” Dan asked.

“Little bit.”

“Phil, are you actually nervous?”

“It’s a risky gift, Dan!” Phil whined, opening the door. “Oh good, it’s dark in here. Okay, close your eyes.”

“But it’s dark inside.”

“You’d still be able to see it a bit. Close them.”

“I’ll fall!”

“Here, take my hand,” Phil said, holding out his free hand.

Dan sighed, but took it, closing his eyes.

“Are they really closed?” Phil asked.

“Yes, they’re closed.”

Phil quickly moved the camera close to Dan’s face, only satisfied when Dan didn’t flinch.

“Okay, now let’s walk inside.”

They slowly made their way into the house. Phil closed the door with his foot, then led Dan around until they were in the middle of the living room. “Don’t open, I have to turn on a light.”

Phil let go of Dan’s hand and walked over to the wall, flicking the switch to turn the lights on.

“Not yet, but when I say three, open your eyes.”

“You’re actually making me nervous, Phil. Hurry up!”

“Okay, one. Two. Three!”

Dan opened his eyes and stared over at something that was just off camera. His eyes widened as he processed what was in front of him. “You… You bought me a grand piano?”

Phil panned over to the piano in the corner of the room, then back to Dan. “Do you like it?”

Dan took a few steps closer to it. “You bought me a grand piano?”

“I know it’s not the one you said you were going to buy when we went to the store, but it’s the one you kept going back to and I knew you liked it more than the other one even though you didn’t admit it,” Phil explained. He was definitely nervous as he waited for a response from Dan.

Dan walked even closer, reaching out and touching it gently with his hand, as though he were afraid he’d break it. “Are you serious?” He asked, turning back to Phil.

“Yeah, I’m serious. Do you like it?”

“Phil,” Dan began, looking at a loss for words. “Phil, I’m actually tearing up, you need to stop filming.”

“Okay, but before I do, I also got you three months of lessons with a really lovely woman that I met with a few days back. She’s got amazing reviews, and everyone promises she’s kind, and she made me cookies when I went to visit. If you like her, I’ll extend the lessons for a year.”

Dan took a deep breath. “Okay, you really need to stop filming now,” Dan replied, his eyes watery and red.

“Sit first, I want to record you playing.”

Dan walked around the piano, sitting down on the bench. “What do you want me to play?” He asked, his voice soft.

“Anything you want.”

Dan’s hands ghosted over the keys for a moment, as though he were afraid to start playing. He finally began after a few seconds, playing Moonlight Sonata.

He played for about a minute before he stopped. “Alright, I _really_ need you to turn the camera off,” he said, smiling slightly.

“Happy birthday, Dan,” Phil said before the screen faded out.

 

**June 15, 2019**

“We’re gonna be trapped forever!” Phil exclaimed, showing him and Dan in the mirror of an elevator they were in.

Dan laughed. “It’s been five minutes.”

“We need to sort out where the pee corner is.”

“Ew! There’s not going to be a pee corner, you freak!” Dan said, making a gagging noise.

“I had three cups of water in the meeting, and a soda at home. If we’re in here much longer, there will have to be a pee corner.”

“Phil, I swear to God, if it gets to the point of you peeing in this elevator I will find the power to pry the damn doors open myself.”

Phil whipped the camera around so they were no longer looking in the mirror, instead focusing on Dan. “What if we have to resort to cannibalism?” He asked. “I give you permission to eat my left arm, Dan. But _only_ the left.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Are they gassing the elevator or something? What’s wrong with you?”

“Would I be allowed to eat your right arm?”

“No!”

“What?! Why not?!”

“Phil, why would I ever give you permission to eat a piece of my body?”

“Because I just gave you permission to eat me!” Phil replied, sounding disappointed. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me eat my own arm.”

“There will be no arm eating. There might be a murder though, if you don’t chill the fuck out.”

Phil was silent for a moment, aiming the camera down at the ground. In less than a minute, he pointed it back up at Dan. “Dan?”

Dan sighed. “What?”

“What if we have to start our own civilization in here?”

Dan glared over at him. “How the fuck would that even work?”

“It happens in mpreg fics all the time. I’d carry the child for us, Dan. I hope you know how to deliver.”

Just then, the elevator dinged and began moving again. “Oh, thank fuck,” Dan said, letting out a deep breath.

“I guess Susan and Tommy will have to learn what life is like on the outside now.”

The doors opened and Dan headed out quickly, “Next time I’m taking the stairs.”

 

**June 19, 2019**

“Something we haven’t shown yet,” Dan began, opening a backdoor and heading outside, “is our backyard.”

He turned the camera around, showing Phil on the ground. He had gloves on, and he was planting wildflowers. “I’m successfully gardening, Dan!” Phil said, smiling brightly.

“I see that!” Dan replied, then whispered, “Let’s see how long they actually live.”

“I only have three more plants to go then I’m done for the day.”

“I ordered out for lunch. Should be here soon,” Dan replied. “How’s it going?”

“Really good. I think we’ll do wildflowers here and over there,” he said, pointing to his left, “so we’ll have them on both sides of the backdoor. And then as you walk down, we’ll put a bench over in the corner-”

“Under a cherry blossom tree?” Dan asked, sounding hopeful.

“Does any other tree exist?”

“Not in my mind.”

“Yeah, that’s what we’ll do,” Phil said with a nod. “Do you think it’ll work?”

“Well, I think Mother Nature is more reliable than us, so it has a greater chance for survival.”

“That’s very true.”

“Alright. I’m goin’ in to wait on the food. Make sure you shower before you eat, you look like a dirt bomb exploded on you.”

“I will, I will! Leave me with my plants!”

Dan turned the camera back toward him as he walked into the house. “They’ll be dead within a week.”

 

**June 22, 2019**

Dan has the camera focused on Phil’s face as he pouts. “What did you do, Phil?” He asked cheekily.

“I set off the fire alarm,” Phil mumbled.

"You what?"

"I set off the fire alarm," he repeated.

“Yes, you did,” Dan replied, moving the camera around to show that they were outside, a fire truck behind them. “We’ve lived here less than a month and you’ve already made a scene in front of the entire neighborhood. How do you feel?”

Phil folded his arms over his chest, a small smile creeping up on his face even though he tried to hide it. “I didn’t mean to!” He whined. “I was making dinner, and I forgot about the rolls in the oven.”

“Shame, Phil! Shame!”

“I didn’t know our fire alarm was hooked up to automatically call the police!” He said, giving Dan a puppy-dog face. “And suddenly they show up and they have to check the house and we have to wait outside and I had to tell them about my rolls! It was so embarrassing.”

“And because we eat dinner so late, you woke up about half the neighborhood.”

“I know, I know!”

Dan turned the camera on himself. “Phil does get some bonus points though because one of the firemen looks like Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pine’s lovechild, which is never a bad thing.”

“I’m glad it’s all working out so well for you, Dan,” Phil said.

Dan moved the camera around so they’d both be in view.

“Maybe you and Baby Chris can go off and have dinner together after this,” Phil continued.

Dan sighed. “I bet he wouldn’t burn the rolls.”

Phil laughed. “You’re such a jerk,” he said, reaching over and poking Dan’s side, causing him to laugh as well. “You’re the worst person in th- Oh, he’s coming,” he said, moving away from Dan and putting on a straight face.

“Oh, but  _I’m_ the one running off with Baby Chris to have dinner?” Dan zoomed in on Phil’s face. “Shame, Phil. Shame.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was updated two days later than I planned, but I guess life just didn't want me to write for a few days! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	9. Month Nine

**June 26, 2019**

“Phil, when you edit this piece, I just want you to know that it could have ended differently,” Dan said, holding the camera out in front of him. He had one hand over his heart, speaking dramatically into the camera.

“None of this would had to have happened. I could have been alive and well, but now I’m gone. Just a figment of your imagination. I hope you hold onto the good memories. All the laughter we’ve shared through the years.”

Dan paused, sitting down on the couch. “All the gaming videos, our collaborations, fixing this house together. I do hope you finish our ‘Year in the Life’ video, even though I’ll be absent through the rest.”

He sighed, moving the camera from one hand to the other. “It’s crazy how one decision can change everything. All you had to do was answer the phone. I’ve tried calling four times; all I need is some Ribena from the store. But no, your phone must be on silent. And now, I’ll simply waste away. For, without my Ribena, I am noth-”

He stopped as his phone began to vibrate beside him. He picked it up off of the couch and looked at who was calling. 

“Oh, it’s you!” He said, a smile appearing on his face as he looked back into the camera. “Never mind then.”

 

**June 30, 2019**

“We need more domesticity in this video, Phil,” Dan said, bringing the camera into the bedroom as Phil folded clothes.

Phil rolled his eyes. “The entire video shows our domesticity. That’s the point.”

“Yes, give them more of the sass, Phil. Show them what it’s really like to live with you.”

Phil sighed. “You’re just doing this to get out of folding clothes,” he said, putting aside the shirts that need to be ironed. 

“Who, me? Never!” Dan replied, feigning offense as he sat down on the bed. 

“Yes, you. Always. But it won’t work this time,” Phil said, pointing a finger at Dan.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you always whine about folding laundry until I just do it, but I’m not doing yours this time.”

“Ugh!” Dan groaned. “Why not?”

“Cause you always complain after. You say I don’t fold your underwear right.”

“Oh, well, that’s cause you don’t fold underwear right.”

“Yes, I do! You fold over, then up. Two folds.”

“No. You fold one side, then the other side, then up. Three folds.”

Phil placed his hands on his hips, tilting his head as he stared at Dan. “That’s just extra, unnecessary work.”

“And that’s why I want _you_ to do it,” Dan replied. A smile could be heard in his voice.

Phil picked up some underwear, trying to hide his smile as he threw them at Dan. “Fold them yourself, Howell.”

A pair of underwear fell over the camera lens and all that could be heard was Dan’s laughter as he shut the camera off.

 

**July 3, 2019**

The camera was set down on the coffee table, facing toward the front door. Words began to scroll across the bottom of the screen.

_ The following is an argument between Dan and Phil when they did not know the camera was recording. Enjoy! _

“Are you being serious right now?” Phil said somewhere off camera.

“No, I’m totally joking, Phil,” Dan replied, clearly annoyed. He couldn’t be seen either. “Isn’t it a funny joke? Ha! Ha!”

“You don’t have to be like that,” Phil snapped.

“I’m not  _ being  _ like anything. I’m just trying to find the car keys.”

“I told you to put them in the bowl,” Phil said. “That’s why we got the bowl.”

“Oh, is it? Cause I thought we got the bowl, which has the word ‘keys’ written on it, for us to eat cereal out of.”

Dan walked past the front door and headed up the stairs, his feet stomping louder than necessary.

“We’ll miss the ferry to Mum and Dad’s!” Phil called out to him.

“Then we’ll take another one!” Dan called back.

“We’re taking the last one for today! Would you like to sleep in the car tonight?!”

“Fucking hell, Phil!” Dan stomped back down the stairs, quickly walked by the front door, then was out of sight again. “There  _ is _ a such thing as a hotel, or just going tomorrow if we can’t make it tonight.”

“You want to get to my parents house in the middle of the reunion? Really, Dan?”

“What I  _ want  _ is for you to stop whining cause it’s getting on my nerves.”

“I’ll stop whining when you f- Dan?” Phil said, his voice softening from its previously harsh tone.

“What, Phil?”

“What’s in your back pocket?”

“There’s no w- Oh, fuck. Are you fucking with me?”

Phil’s laughter could be heard as Dan groaned. “It’s not funny!” He whined.

“It’s kinda funny,” Phil replied.

Dan walked over to the front door and picked up his luggage. As Phil grabbed the camera and his own suitcase, Dan could be seen smiling slightly. “You’re a dick,” he said as they walked out the front door.

“Eh,” Phil said, unbothered, “so are you.”

 

**July 8, 2019**

“What the fuck is that?” Dan asked, quietly laughing as he sat up in the bed.

“I don’t know,” Phil said beside him. He was holding the camera out in front of them. They were both in pyjamas, and looked as though they had been woken up.

“It sounds so weird.”

“Shh,” Phil said, holding a hand up to stop Dan from speaking. “Listen,” he whispered.

A noise could be heard in the distance, sounding almost like angry moans.

“Is someone having sex?” Dan asked. “Should we not film this?”

Phil laughed. “It sounds like it’s outside the house.”

“Maybe your parents didn’t want to do it so close to their children,” Dan said, looking over at Phil.

“Ew! No, stop it!”

“Sex is natural, Phil. You shouldn’t be ashamed,” Dan replied, smiling as Phil cringed.

“Yeah, well get the image of your parents having sex stuck in your head and see how it feels.”

Dan’s smile disappeared. “Okay, point taken.”

The moaning sound happened again and they both paused at the noise.

“Something is definitely happening outside,” Phil said. He got up and walked over to their window. “I can’t see anything from here. I think it’s out front.”

He handed the camera to Dan, who had walked up beside him. Dan held his arm out so they’d both be in focus again. “I want to know what that is,” he said, his dimply smile returning to his face.

“Let’s sneak downstairs to see,” Phil replied, excitedly looking over at Dan.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

They quietly crept out of their room, giggling as they headed downstairs. They stopped once as the noise happened again, then continued on their journey.

When they reached a window downstairs, they both stared out. 

“Do you see anything?” Dan whispered.

“No. Do you?”

“No. If we can’t see it here, how fucking loud is it when you’re close?”

“I don-” Phil froze as another sound could be heard. This time, it was in the house. “We must've woke up my mom or dad,” Phil said, moving quickly back up the stairs. Dan followed behind, trying and failing to hold in laughter.

“Why did we run from them?” Dan asked when they were safely inside their room.

“I don’t know,” Phil replied, laughing as well. "It suddenly reminded me of when you used to visit the house in Manchester.”

“Oh, when we’d sneak downstairs for food in the middle of the night?” Dan said.

“Mhm.” Phil laid back on the bed, a hand over his stomach as he calmed down.

“You think we’ll ever know what the sound was?” Dan asked, moving closer to the bed.

Phil shook his head. “Probably not.”

Dan turned the camera around to him. “A forever mystery, I suppose.”

 

**July 13, 2019**

_ “Late night watching television, but how’d we get in this position…” _

The camera shook as Dan continued to sing. “He does this when he dusts,” Phil whispered. He appeared to be videoing Dan while hiding behind a door. “I’ve never gotten it on video before.”

_ “I really really really really really really like you, and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?” _

“You get to see a good day too. Sometimes he sings Rammstein and that’s horrifying.”

_ “I’m so in my head when we’re out of touch-” _

“If he’s ever pretentious about his choices in music, just remind him of this.”

_ “I really, really, really, rea-”  _ Dan froze when he turned and caught a glimpse of Phil and the camera. His shoulders dropped as he pulled an earphone out of his ear. “You fucker!” He exclaimed, throwing the dusting rag at Phil. 

Phil laughed loudly, aiming the camera at the floor for a moment as he bent over. “Don’t be embarrassed!” He said once he could talk again. “That was really good. Like, really, really, really, really, really, really good.”

“You’re a twat,” Dan said, his cheeks turning a deep shade of pink.

“But am I  _ really?” _

“You’re  _ really  _ going to sleep on the couch tonight,” Dan replied as he headed up the stairs. “And you can  _ really  _ finish all the dusting yourself.”

“But, Dan!” Phil whined, “I really, really, really, really, really, really don’t want to.”

“You  _ really  _ should’ve thought about that before you filmed me singing, ya bitch!” Dan called out before closing their bedroom door.

Phil began to laugh again, then turned the camera toward himself and shrugged. “It was worth it.”

 

**July 17, 2019**

“Welcome to the new gaming room!” Dan exclaimed, spinning around in his chair. “Even roomier than the last.”

“This’ll be the first time they’re seeing it, won’t it?” Phil asked from off camera.

Dan turned the camera around to show Phil, who was bent over, underneath the desk, messing with wires.

“It surely will,” Dan replied, zooming in on Phil’s butt. “You’re giving the people quite a view, Phil.”

“Do not focus on my ass, Dan!” Phil exclaimed.

“Too late, Lester.”

Phil groaned. “At least tell me my pants aren’t hanging out.”

“No, Philip, your underwear is perfectly hidden.”

“Thank you.” 

“Mhm.” Dan zoomed back out, but kept the camera on Phil. “Are you actually doing anything, or are you just sticking your ass in the air for fun?”

“Is there still nothing on the monitor?” Phil asked.

“Nope.”

“Ugh! Do you want to come try it?”

“Nope.”

“I’m getting too old for all this bending over,” Phil said, trying to twist and stretch his back but mostly wiggling his butt around.

“You’re gonna get this video flagged, Philly.”

Phil laughed, turning back to look at Dan with a crinkly smile on his face. “Stop filming and help me, Dan.”

“Alright, alright.”

 

**July 20, 2019**

“Phil, is this really film worthy?”

“People are finally getting the ‘Dan tries on new clothes’ video they always wanted.”

“But I’m the one that picked them out.”

“That doesn’t matter. Tell us about this ensemble.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I wanted some lighter jeans, so I got these. I don’t know if they’re too faded looking though. I was going to ask  _ you  _ for your opinion,” he said, looking past the camera and to Phil, “but I guess I’ll ask everyone now.”

“You won’t get their answers for a few months. It’s still just me,” Phil replied. “And I like them.”

“What about the rips?”

“I like the rips.”

“Are you just going to say you like everything I try on?” Dan asked.

“If I like it,” Phil said cheekily.

Dan sighed. “Alright, so what about this jumper?”

“That’s new?” Phil asked.

“Yes, it’s new!”

“I swear you already have that jumper.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. The black, knitted jumper.”

“It’s different from this one,” Dan informed him. “This one is longer.”

“Oh, okay. Well, it looks good. Did you get anything else?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

There was a jumpcut, then Dan came out with another jumper on. This one was a v-neck, pale pink in color. He had the sleeves pushed up slightly so they came just below his elbows.

“That looks soft!” Phil exclaimed, sounding excited.

“It is soft,” Dan replied, touching the material. “You like it?”

“I like that one a lot,” Phil said. “It looks really good.”

“It’s not too light?”

“Not at all.”

Dan gave the camera a thumbs up. “Alright. I’m gonna go change.”

“No!” Phil whined. “No, keep that on.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. You look comfy.”

“I am comfy, but we’re not going anywhere today. We’re just sitting here and watching TV.”

I know,” Phil said. “Just… Just wear it. It looks _comfy.”_

Dan rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the smile that crept up on his face. “Oh, fine. Turn that off now, I’m done being your model for the day.”

Phil laughed. “Not ready for the runway?”

Dan plopped down on the couch. “Not quite yet.”

 

**July 24, 2019**

“What awkward situation have we gotten ourselves into now?” Phil asked, turning the camera so he and Dan were both in view. 

They were in a fairly dark room, where strobe lights kept changing colors behind them. Music could also be heard, but it wasn’t too loud from where they were standing.

“We decided to actually come to a party at one of the YouTube conventions,” Dan replied. He had a plate in his hand, and he was currently putting mini tacos on it.

“Why’d we do that?”

“We were supposed to know people here. We don’t know anyone here.”

“So we find ourselves doing what we always do,” Phil said, aiming the camera further down so the entire food table could be seen. “Standing in the corner, eating food.”

“It’s tradition,” Dan said, standing behind him with a smile on his face. “Shoveling food into our mouths, avoiding eye contact, and sneaking out early. We’re antisocial kings, Phil.”

“We really are. I kind of prefer it though,” Phil said, looking back at Dan.

Dan nodded. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I worry that I'm writing them as too cutesy or lovey-dovey, but then I watch another gaming video, or they do a livestream (doesn't even have to be a joint one, they just talk about each other) and I realize, no, I'm good! lol
> 
> I hope you all liked the chapter. Thank you for all the comments!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	10. Month Ten

**July 28, 2019**

“So… thirsty. Might not… make it,” Phil said with a raspy voice. He was standing in the kitchen, with Dan behind him leaning on the counter.

“For God’s sake, Phil, you were asleep when I left. I thought you’d still be sleeping when I got home.”

“So weak,” Phil continued. “Pain… Only pain.”

“You’re literally in the kitchen. Just get a drink out of the fridge.”

“That’s not the same,” Phil said, turning back to look at Dan. His voice went from raspy to whiny in a matter of seconds. “You got a special drink. I want a special drink.”

“So drink some of mine.”

Phil scrunched up his nose. “Yours has Dan spit in it.”

“You always drink after me, Phil.”

“I don’t want Dan spit,” Phil said.

Dan rolled his eyes. “I highly doubt my spit is the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth. In fact, I know it’s not th-”

_“Dan,”_ Phil interrupted. “I’m just so thirsty.”

“Then go out and get a drink.”

“You know I don’t like to drive when it gets dark out. I guess I’ll just thirst. I mean, we do have drinks here. They’re not the same as having an iced frappuccino on a hot night like this, but I suppose it’ll have to do. To be able-”

“Oh my God!” Dan interrupted, pushing himself away from the counter.

“What are you doing?” Phil asked as Dan grabbed the keys.

“What the fuck do you think I’m doing, Phil? I’m getting you a damn drink before you drive me insane,” he replied, heading out the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

Once the door shut, Phil turned the camera back on himself and smiled. “Sometimes it just takes a gentle nudge to get things done.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. “I should text him some things to get at the store while he’s out,” he said, already typing on his phone. “There’s no point in making him go out a third time tonight and we need eggs. And milk, and bread, and chicken. Yeah, I’m gonna have to go and write this out to him before he gets back. Bye, guys!”

 

**July 31, 2019**

Phil’s got the camera focused on their bed, where Dan is currently lying in sweatpants and a t-shirt. His arms and legs are spread out like a starfish.

“This looks a little weird, Dan. Like the start of a fanfic or something.”

Dan looked over at Phil with a glare, but refused to move. “I’m too hot for sex jokes, Phil. Even with air conditioning, it’s too fucking hot in this house.”

“We can turn the air down more,” Phil replied.

“We’ve already turned it down three different times today. It’s a lost cause.”

“Are you not going to make it, Dan?”

Dan shook his head. “I’m fading away. Long gone. Write a good eulogy.”

“Oh, I will. ‘He died doing what he loved… complaining.’”

“The heat makes you rude, Phil.”

“Are you really not going to get up? I got out the camera and everything.”

“We’re supposed to be filming real life,” Dan replied. “Sometimes lying on top of the bed and refusing to move is real life. If they wanted something interesting they never would’ve clicked on this video in the first place.”

“Oh, but the heat makes _me_ rude.”

“Yes, it does. I’m always like this, Phil. They’re used to it. They’re not used to rude Phil.”

Phil sighed. “All I said was you complain a lot. Which you do.”

“Leave me be, Phil,” Dan said dramatically, closing his eyes. “I don’t need the added stress today.”

“Oh my God,” Phil said before turning the camera off.

 

**August 3, 2019**

“This is so stupid,” Dan said, holding the camera up so they could both be seen. They appeared to be lying down, but they weren’t in their bed.

“It’s not stupid! It’s going to be fun and you know it.”

Dan shook his head but smiled. “If I get bitten by anything, I’m suing you.”

“You won’t get bitten. Now explain what we’re doing.”

“Phil had the bright idea to bring blankets and shit outside and look at the stars tonight.”

“It’s the best idea we’ve had yet!” Phil said with a smile. “London was always bright, so you couldn’t really see the stars at night. But, now that we’re in a neighborhood, we can actually look at them and see them.”

“You just want to find a UFO,” Dan said, glancing over at Phil.

“Of course I do!” Phil exclaimed with a laugh. “Who wouldn’t want to see a UFO?!”

“We’re not going to see one, Phil! Your dream is dead.”

“No. Never!”

Dan took a deep breath, getting a bit more comfortable. “Okay, I’m going to be nice and play along.”

“Thank you.”

“But the second I even _hear_ a bug in the vicinity, I’m going inside.”

Phil nodded. “Deal.”

“Alright. Now let’s turn this off so we can actually look at the stars.”

 

**August 7, 2019**

“Are you sure you want the camera on?” Phil asked as he lifted it up, pointing it at Dan. They were both sitting on separate ends of the couch. Phil’s legs, which were resting on the couch, could be seen, along with Dan, who was wrapped up in a blanket.

Dan shrugged. “Yeah, why not?” He responded, staring ahead toward the TV.

“Do you need a refill?” Phil asked as Dan took another sip of his drink.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’ve been sipping hot cocoa all day and you’re wrapped up like it’s fall.”

“House feels colder today,” Dan said, still staring at whatever was on the television.

“It does a bit to me too,” Phil said. His voice was softer than usual.

Dan looked down toward his feet and wiggled his toes. “My feet are frozen,” he said. “Will you go get me some socks?”

“You don’t want to go get them?” Phil asked. It was as though they’d had this conversation before. Like Dan might change his mind and decide he wanted to get the socks himself.

But, Dan just looked over at Phil, avoiding the camera. “If I go back into the room, I’m gonna get into bed, and seeing as I’ve spent the last two days in bed, I think it’d be wise if I stayed out here. Plus, you promised me movies, so…”

As his voice faded off, Phil got up from the couch. “So, I’ll go get the socks.”

 

**August 12, 2019**

“What happened to you, Phil?!” Dan asked, laughing loudly. He panned the camera up and down Phil’s body, which was covered in flour.

“It’s not funny,” Phil replied with a pout.

"It really is. Tell everyone what you did.”

“I was making brownies,” Phil explained. “And they were going to be so good. But, I got distracted while they were cooking and I didn’t hear the timer. I smelled something burning and remembered them, so I ran in here to get them out of the oven and I slipped. When I grabbed onto the counter, I also grabbed the container of flour and then this happened.” He moved back and motioned toward his clothes, once again showing how covered he was.

“What distracted you so much, Phil?” Dan asked cheekily.

Phil pointed at Dan. "No," he replied with a glare.

Dan laughed again. “Are the brownies edible?”

“Of course they’re not edible!” Phil whined. “They’re burnt to a crisp. We’re just lucky the alarm didn’t go off again.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t want fireman Baby Chris to return to the house?”

“No!” Phil replied, before adding. “Not for another fire, at least.”

Dan gasped. “Philip Lester!”

Phil shrugged. “Well.” He looked back down at the brownies, his frown returning. “This is sad.”

“Oh, it’ll be alright,” Dan said, moving closer to Phil to he could pat his shoulder. “We can make more.”

“Or we could just order food from somewhere that has brownies for dessert,” Phil replied.

“That’s a much better plan.”

 

**August 16, 2019**

“Okay,” Phil whispered, the camera close to his face. “I’ve been trying to scare Dan all week and nothing has worked. He’s about to come into the room to watch a movie, so I’m hiding behind the curtains. I’m going to scare him. This’ll actually work this time. I’m gonna be quiet now until he comes out.”

Phil was silent for a couple of minutes, simply looking around. When he still didn’t hear Dan enter the room, he looked confused. “I’m gonna peek out and see where he is.”

When he slowly pulled the curtain back, Dan jumped toward him, making a loud growl as he did.

“Oh my God!” Phil screamed, almost dropping the camera. “What the hell?!”

Dan held onto his stomach as he laughed. “You could’ve broken the camera,” He said once he calmed down enough to speak.

“How long were you there?” Phil asked, his voice high-pitched.

“A minute or so.”

“How’d you see me?”

“Your feet, you idiot,” Dan replied, pointing down at Phil’s feet. “They were sticking out from the bottom of the curtains.”

“You walked so quietly. I never heard you!”

“That was the plan.”

Phil turned the camera around to himself. “Oh my God,” he said, a hand over his heart. “My heart’s beating so fast. Come feel it, Dan.”

Dan walked over to him and placed his hand over Phil’s heart. “Dear God, I could’ve killed you.”

“You could have,” Phil agreed. “Never do that again.”

“Oh, so you’re allowed to scare me but I can’t scare you?”

“Exactly.”

“That’s not fair!”

“It is in my world,” Phil replied. He took another deep breath to calm himself down before turning the camera off.

 

**August 20, 2019**

“This damn thing is so damn stupid,” Dan mumbled to himself, leaning over the sink. Phil was behind him, filming him from a few feet away. “The damn water is supposed to spray down into the damn sink, not everywhere else.”

“Having problems?” Phil asked, making Dan jump. He turned, eyes widening when he saw the camera.

“Not at all,” Dan replied, faking a smile. “It’s all going great. Fantastic, really.”

“I’m sure. Tell us what’s wrong with your _expensive_ , marble sink, Dan.”

“It’s just having a bad day, that’s all,” Dan replied.

Phil came around to the other side of the sink as Dan started working on it again. “It’s been having a bad day for three days now.”

“I’ve almost got it fixed.”

“That’s what you said two days ago. And yesterday. And this morning.”

Dan looked up at Phil with a glare. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“You’re welcome. Isn’t it funny how we’ve had no problems with the cheaper appliances that I picked out, but the one ridiculously expensive one that you bought is having issues?”

“Isn’t it funny how we bought this house together but I’m still going to kick you out and replace you with Evan Peters?”

“I’ll just move in with Ryan Gosling,” Phil replied. “He’d probably have the sink fixed by now.”

Instead of responding, Dan picked up the spray hose and aimed it toward Phil, turning it on before he had a chance to get away.

“No! No!” Phil screamed, laughing as he ran away from the water. “This is abuse!”

“Come near me again and the water won’t be the only thing I’ll spray at you!” Dan yelled as Phil exited the kitchen.

Phil gave a confused look into the camera. “I’m not sure I want to know what that means.”

 

**August 23, 2019**

“I want candy.”

“You already have a bag of candy in the cart.”

“I need one more,” Phil replied, picking up another bag and dropping it into the cart.

“You’re going to be dead by forty, you realize that, right?” Dan asked as Phil aimed the camera at him.

“But I’ll die happy and filled with sweet, sweet sugar.”

“You’re helpless.”

“And yet you put up with me.”

Dan shook his head. “I stalked you, Phil. This is my punishment.”

“A lifetime of always knowing there will be sweets in the house?” Phil questioned.

Dan picked up a bag of rice and dropped it in the cart. “Yeah, we’ll go with that.”

As they walked down the next aisle, Phil grabbed a bag of chips.

“Phil!” Dan scolded as they were placed in the cart.

“What?”

“We said we were going to try and eat healthier.”

“When did we say that?”

Dan stopped walking, placing a hand on his hip. “Last night, Phil. I said, ‘We should start eating healthier.’ And then you said, ‘Yeah, okay.’”

“When did I say that?”

“I just told you! Last night.”

“After we went to bed?”

“Yes, Phil,” Dan replied, looking even more annoyed now.

“I was half asleep then, Dan. That doesn’t count.”

“Put the chips back, Phil.”

“But, _Dan,_ we need them for movie nights. If we have no chips, what will we use with our dip?”

“We’ll get celery and carrots.”

Phil was silent for a moment. “Dan, I want you to think about what you just said. You really want to use _celery_ and _carrots_ instead of chips?”

Dan looked back and forth from the camera to the chips. “Fine,” he decided. “But only one bag! And turn off the camera. I don’t need everyone knowing how weak I am.”

Phil turned the camera around to himself. “He’ll be thanking me when we watch a movie tonight.”

“ _Off_ , Phil!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't been able to write anything in days, so it felt amazing to be able to sit and write this chapter out! I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	11. Month Eleven

**August 28, 2019**

“We’re back!” Phil exclaimed, holding out the camera to show both him and Dan.

“Phil! You can’t just say ‘we’re back’ with no explanation, you dork.”

“We’re back in London,” Phil said with a laugh. “Just for the day though.”

“You make it sound like we’ve been gone for a year or something. We have to come into the city all the time.”

“This is like our place though,” Phil explained.

“I thought Manchester was our place?”

Phil nodded. “That’s also our place.”

“I can’t believe we own both Manchester and London,” Dan said as they crossed a busy street. “Those extra Youtube ads really helped out.”

“Imagine all the ads we’ll get on this video. It’s gonna be ridiculously long.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “We could own all of England when we’re done.”

“You think we could force the Queen out of Buckingham Palace?”

Dan quickly pulled Phil over to stop him from running into a group of people. “I think we need to get you through today without dying before we take over the country. Why don’t we put the camera away for now?”

“Probably a good idea.”

 

**August 31, 2019**

“So, Phil is gone today,” Dan started. He was sitting down on the couch, back against the armrest. “He’s spending the day with a couple of pals, and I decided to stay behind. I was going to go, but I really need to come up with more ideas for my channel. Once I run out of pre-made shit, I’ve got nothing left to film. Let me show you what I’ve come up with so far.”

Dan got up and walked into the kitchen. “First, I cleaned the entire kitchen,” he said, opening the fridge door, “including the fridge. It’s spotless. I also cooked a gourmet lunch. I made a huge salad,” he said, pointing to the container, “plus some quinoa, and then I actually successfully baked a cake for Phil and I to share tonight.”

He closed the fridge and headed back out into the living room, turning the camera on himself. “I cleaned the entire house, vacuumed, dusted, mopped, everything. I’ve done laundry. I actually ironed clothes, just to avoid writing ideas.”

He sat back down on the couch, grabbing a blanket that was lying over the back of it and draping it over his legs. “Then I ordered Phil some new jeans online, and played piano for like an hour. That’s how successful I’ve been in thinking up new videos. I’ve got a couple more hours before Phil gets back though, so I still have time… or, I could go for a walk.” He sighed, “You know it’s bad when Dan would rather go for a walk than think of a fucking video idea.”

 

**September 2, 2019**

“Can you believe it’s already September, Phil?” Dan asked, holding the camera out so they were both in view.

“No, I can’t. This year has gone by so fast.”

“I know. We’re almost finished filming this whole series, which has definitely destroyed any faith our viewers have in us.”

“We’ve only been lying for half of the year,” Phil reasoned. “And for a good cause.”

Dan laughed. “Us filming ourselves doing pointless shit for a year is a good cause?”

“Yes, it is.”

Dan shook his head. “Anyway, we’re walking at a nearby park for the first time. It’s adorable, and there’s a lack of urine scent in the air, which is a plus.”

“All parks in London had the faintest scent of pee,” Phil said, scrunching up his nose at the thought.

“Thankfully, this one smells fresh and- Oh my God, a dog!” Dan exclaimed, ignoring the camera and looking ahead.

“That’s the cutest dog I’ve ever seen!” Phil said. “Don’t film it though; that would be weird.”

“I’m not going to film it, Philly. But, look at it! Guys, this dog is a pomeranian and it’s so fluffy and, I swear to God, I feel healed of any and all depression symptoms when I look at it.”

Phil laughed as they continued on their walk, the dog moving out of view. 

“And now the depression is back,” Dan said, looking at the camera. 

“We need to go dog looking,” Phil said, walking over to a bench and sitting down. Dan sat down as well, his eyes lighting up at the idea.

“We definitely do. Now that we have a place of our own, no one can tell us we can’t have one.”

“And we have a yard it can play in. Oh, we can get it a little collar and leash, and a food and water bowl.”

“You mean everything any dog needs?” Dan asked, smiling over at Phil.

“But ours will be cooler.”

“Oh my God, we don’t even have a dog yet and you’re already becoming the snobby dog mom,” Dan said, rolling his eyes.

Phil had a thought then, his eyes widening as he reached over and patted Dan’s shoulder. “We could get it a dog stroller!”

“See, Phil, this is why we don’t go out and get fresh air. It does weird things to our brains.”

 

**September 5, 2019**

“Why the hell are we doing this?” Phil asked as he sat down on the floor. He and Dan were both wearing t-shirts and loose shorts, with a yoga mat underneath them. The camera was on a tripod a few feet away.

“Because you said you wanted to,” Dan replied.

“You can’t take anything I say seriously when I say it at two o’clock in the morning, Dan.”

“Well, it’s too late now. Okay,” he paused as he looked down at a sheet of paper. “Do you want to be the upside down V or the upside down L?”

“Are these the official names?” Phil asked sarcastically.

“Choose or I choose for you.”

Phil sighed. “Okay, the upside down V.”

“Then get into position, Lester.”

Phil took a deep breath, then got into position. 

“Now, stay there,” Dan said.

“Nowhere else to go,” Phil said. “I bought the house with you.”

Dan laughed. “Shut up! I can’t do this if I’m laughing.”

He looked over the paper again, then set it on the floor. “Okay, I’m gonna lift my feet up on your butt, or by your butt, or somewhere in the butt area. I swear to God, Phil, if you drop me, I’ll murder you.”

“The longer I stay in this position, the higher the chances you’ll die first.”

Dan placed his hands down on the ground, then slowly lifted one leg up until his foot was near the bottom of Phil’s back. “You good?” He asked.

“Just do it,” Phil replied.

Dan quickly lifted up his other leg and placed it on Phil’s back, creating his upside down L. “We did it!” He exclaimed.

“How long do we stay like this?” Phil asked, sounding out of breath.

“Like, twenty seconds,” Dan replied.

“Dan! I’ve already been like this for over a minute waiting on you! I’m gonna fall.”

“No, don’t fall!”

“Get your legs off my back, please!”

“Phil, I don’t know how to get out of this position without seriously injuring myself."

“Are you joking?”

“No, I’m not jo-”

“Oh my God,” Phil arms started wobbling. “I’m definitely falling!” As he finished the sentence, he dropped down onto the floor. Dan dropped his legs on either side of Phil, making a loud thud as he did. 

“That’s enough,” Phil said, rolling over and getting up off of the floor.

“Phil!” Dan whined. “We only did one pose. I printed out fifteen.”

“You’ll have to find someone else,” Phil said, waving Dan off.

“Phil, it’s couples yoga.”

“I give you permission,” Phil replied, heading upstairs.

Dan groaned, rolling his eyes. “You’re so annoying, Phil!”

“Stop listening to the things I say late at night, Dan!”

 

**September 10, 2019**

“I think my back is permanently injured,” Phil said, sitting in bed with his back against the headboard. 

“Oh, please, you baby,” Dan replied. Phil turned the camera toward him as he sat down on the other side of the bed. “You’re perfectly fine."

“I am not!” Phil replied. “It feels tight. I can barely move it.”

“You know what helps?” Dan asked, pushing the covers back so he could put his feet under them.

“What?”

“Yoga.”

Phil groaned. “No more yoga! Ever!”

“It’ll loosen up both your mind and body, Phil.”

Phil moved the camera to his other hand, turning it so they’d both be seen. “Not worth it. However, I may not be able to get out of bed tonight,” he continued. “If I need to pee, I'll have to go right here.”

Dan reached over and grabbed a book from the nightstand, placing it on his lap. “Phil, I swear to God, if you pee in this bed, I’ll kick you out of the entire house. You’ll have to sleep in the flower garden.”

“But that would make my back even worse.”

“You know, it’s probably not the yoga that did it,” Dan said, opening up the book. “It’s probably cause you’re nearly forty.”

“I am  _ not  _ nearly forty!” Phil exclaimed, giving Dan a glare.

“You’re getting old, Phil, admit it.”

“Never! I’m still very much in my _early_ thirties.”

“That’s what you tell people, you mean,” Dan said, not even looking up from his book. “He’s almost thirty-nine, guys. Don’t let the hair fool you.”

“I’m turning the camera off,” Phil said.

Dan shrugged, a small smile on his face. “You were the one who turned it on.”

 

**September 13, 2019**

“Why are you filming right now?” Dan asked, his voice quiet as Phil lifted the camera up. They were in the car, Dan behind the wheel. Neither looked very happy.

“We said we’d film good and bad. This is bad.”

“Phil, we don’t have to film everything.”

“I just… I just want to. Is it okay?”

Dan bit at his bottom lip. “Yeah. Yeah, whatever you want.”

Phil took a deep breath before looking into the camera. “My, um, my uncle passed away suddenly yesterday. We’re on our way to Manchester, because that’s where he lived. Um, I- I wasn’t really super close to him. I saw him a couple of times a year, but it was- it was so unexpected. How far away are we?” Phil asked, looking over at Dan.

“Couple more hours,” he answered shortly.

“Okay. Uh, my mum called last night and told me.” He looked out the window, ignoring the camera. “He was married for thirty-five years, Dan. Can you imagine being with someone for thirty-five years, and then they’re gone?”

Dan shook his head. “No, I can’t,” he responded. His voice sounded like it was about to break.

“I couldn’t imagine being alone,” Phil continued. “They were together like thirty-eight years total. I don’t… I wouldn’t want that to happen,” he said, turning to Dan again.

“I don’t think we get that choice, Phil,” Dan said.

“I wish we did. I’d want to go first.”

Dan blinked a few times and cleared his throat. “Can you turn it off, please?” He asked.

Phil looked at the camera like he completely forgot he had even been holding it. “Yeah. Sorry,” he said before the screen went black.

 

**September 18, 2019**

“It’s been a few days,” Phil said. He was wrapped up in a hoodie, and part of his sweatpants could be seen from the way he was sitting on the couch. “We got back home earlier today. I’m actually going to go back to my parents place in a couple of weeks to spend more time with them. Um, Dan’s upstairs unpacking right now. He wouldn’t let me help. He’s giving me a pass on every annoying thing I do right now, so I guess I should take advantage of that while I can,” he said, forcing out a little laugh.

He took a deep breath before continuing. “My aunt is going to stay with her son and his family for a bit. She doesn’t want to be at the house alone, which is understandable. I- I mean, death is like, it’s not something I really like to talk about. It’s not something I like to think about either, but when something like this happens it kind of forces you to.”

He moved around on the couch, trying to get more comfortable. “The first couple of days were really hard, because I kept thinking that that could be me one day. It threw me into one of Dan’s existential crises, I guess. People had a lot of great stories about him, though. He seemed to really live every day to the fullest.”

Phil smiled. “Dan said he sounded a lot like me, almost overly-positive.”

He looked past the camera, as though he were thinking about something, before continuing to speak. “I think it’s important to live in the moment, instead of worrying about what could happen in the future. I tell that to Dan all the time, so I guess I need to practice what I preach. I’m gonna go now though, cause I don’t want to make everyone sad. Resuming happy filming… now!”  

 

**September 21, 2019**

“You’re about to see some very rare material here,” Phil whispered, slowly walking into the bedroom. “I had to run and get the camera to film this.” 

He walked up to the bed, until Dan could be seen lying there, fast asleep. His mouth was open slightly, and little snores could be heard. “Yes, he’s actually snoring. Daniel Howell is snoring. This is definitely the best thing I’ve ever gotten on camera. Also, it’s nearly ten thirty so he needs to wake  _ up!”  _ Phil said, getting louder with each word.

Dan’s mouth closed as he let out one last snore through his nose. His eyes slowly blinked open. 

It took him a few seconds to realize Phil was there, standing in front of him with the camera in his face. When he did, he groaned and quickly turned over. “Go ‘way!” He whined.

“You need to get up. We’ve got stuff to do today, Howell.”

“Why’re you filming me?” He mumbled, his head buried in a pillow.

“You were snoring.”

“Was not!”

“Were too.”

“I don’t snore.”

“I have video evidence that says otherwise.”

Dan lifted up his hand, giving Phil the finger. “You’re an asshole.”

“Aw! Thank you. You too.”

 

**September 24, 2019**

Dan’s holding the camera out in front of him, smiling widely as he stands in the living room. “Guys, we’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Wait for me!” Phil exclaimed, running over to stand behind Dan. “Okay, now do it.”

“Both of us on three?” Dan asked, glancing back at him.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, one, two, thr-”

The sound of barking interrupted them, causing them to both look over as they laughed. “You ruined it, Mister!” Dan exclaimed.

“He ruined nothing,” Phil said, walking out of frame. He returned a few seconds later, holding a small dog. It was tan and white, with black around its nose. “We got a dog!” He said, snuggling the dog close to his face.

“Isn’t it the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?” Dan asked. He turned the camera so it would just be showing Phil and the dog. “It’s a corgi and pug mix.”

“It’s five years old,” Phil continued. “Fully potty trained.”

“Tell them what we did,” Dan said with a laugh.

Phil smiled. “Well, we went to a shelter just to look. We pinkie promised we wouldn’t get a dog today, but then we saw this guy.”

“He was so cute, and he came right up to Phil and sniffed his shoes.”

“It was meant to be,” Phil said before giving the dog a kiss on his ear. 

“Tell his name.”

“Okay, we didn’t pick this, but it’s literally the best name ever for a tiny dog. It’s named Goliath.”

“Isn’t that the best thing ever?!” Dan exclaimed. “We couldn’t have thought of a better name for this guy.”

“He’s already got a spot on the bed, and he loves the house and the yard.”

“Did he tell you that, Phil?”

“He did in his own way,” Phil replied. “We have to take him to the dog park soon.”

“We will.”

Phil switched Goliath from one arm to the other. “He’s the snuggliest dog ever, but he likes to play too. An older couple gave him to the shelter when they couldn’t care for him anymore, but he’s really good with other animals they said so we could possibly have more than one dog someday.”

“Whoa, whoa. Let’s see how we do with one for now, Phil.”

“I know, but just imagine him having a little pal, Dan,” Phil said, giving the camera puppy-dog eyes.

“One thing at a time, Phil.”

Phil gave the dog another kiss, then put him back down on the floor. “Oh my God,” he said, looking at the camera with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Christmas cards! We can all have matching sweaters. Dan, we have to do that.”

Dan sighed, turning the camera toward himself. “Okay, I’m going to go and spend some time with Goliath, while also stopping Phil from coming up with anymore ideas.”

“You know you love it!” Phil called out.

“I mean… It does sound fucking adorable. W- We could get hats too. He could be an elf.”

“See! I knew you’d love it!”

"Oh God," Dan said, bringing a hand to his head. "The dog's already changed me."

Phil picked the dog back up, holding it out so it was near Dan's face. "Come to the soft side, Daddy Dan," Phil said in a high-pitched voice. "We're waiting for you."

Dan closed his eyes, unable to stop himself from smiling. "Okay, now I'm really turning the camera off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are real life Dan and Phil actually becoming more domestic than my fictional version? How rude of them!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for all the lovely comments!
> 
> The yoga pose: http://cdn.skim.gs/image/upload/v1456342302/msi/partner-yoga-Double-Down-Dog-1_inodnq.jpg  
> Their dog: https://howtotrainthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/corgi-pug-mix-porgi.jpg
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechniques


	12. Month Twelve

**September 28, 2019**

“I feel like there’s something in my teeth.”

“Let me look again.”

Dan opened his mouth, showing his teeth to Phil.

“I don’t see anything,” Phil said.

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Go floss really quick,” Phil replied, waving him off.

“No, I don’t want to get up.” Dan ran his tongue over his teeth, then looked into the viewfinder to see if anything was there. “Start on three?” He asked.

“No, we’ve got to explain what we’re doing to the other camera first,” Phil said, pointing to their vlogging camera. It was set up on a tripod in front of them.

“Oh, right! I forgot it was on. That’ll be cute; me just discussing my teeth issues for five minutes.”

Phil laughed. “I’ll cut some out. They don’t need to see all the times you forced me to look for gunk between your teeth.”

“Ew!” Dan grimaced. “Don’t say the G word.”

“What? Gunk? You don’t like  _ gunk,  _ Danny?”

I will actually leave, Phil,” Dan warned.

“Okay, okay. Let’s get to the point.”

“Yes, let’s,” Dan said, looking into the camera. “We are about to film our first gaming video from the new house,” he explained. “It’s not going to be posted for another month, but we figured we’d try and film ahead.”

“Plus we’ve found that we run out of things to do when we don’t have to film videos.”

“Yeah, let’s remember that the next time we try and hide stuff from our viewers for an entire year. We don’t cope well when we have nothing to film.”

“Did you see on twitter that there’s like a long thread about how you moved out of the country and I was left alone, but we didn’t want people to know so we made up this elaborate plan?”

Dan laughed. “No, what was our plan?”

“Well, we pretaped videos, you left the country, I’m in London alone, and we’re actually really sad anytime we talk to each other on Twitter.”

“Oh my God! Phil, everyone’s going to hate us when we post this video!”

“No, they’re going to love it!” Phil exclaimed. “They’ll be happy to be wrong.”

“How’d you even find that thread, Phil?”

“It came up one day when I was looking through comments. It’s got like two hundred likes or something. Surprisingly, it’s not the strangest theory.”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t want to know. Let’s play the game now.”

Phil smiled. “Okay, this camera on,” he said, reaching up and turning on the gaming camera. “And this camera off,” he finished, looking into the vlogging camera before turning it off.

 

**September 30, 2019**

“Good boy, Goliath! Good boy!” 

“I can’t believe he loves playing ball this much,” Dan said from behind the camera, laughing as Phil got the ball from Goliath and threw it again.

“He never gets tired of it!” Phil exclaimed, glancing at the camera before looking back at Goliath. He and Dan were both sitting on the ground in their backyard, letting Goliath play as they relaxed.

“Maybe he thinks we like playing it so he’s only doing it for us.”

“No, he loves it. Look at his tail!”

Dan turned the camera back to Goliath, who was running over to Phil with the ball in his mouth. His tail was wagging happily as he dropped the ball at Phil’s side.

“He’s literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I know! He’s never allowed to die.”

After throwing the ball one more time, Phil patted his lap as Goliath returned. “Come lie down for a bit,” he said. “You need to rest.”

“I love how you talk to him in full sentences,” Dan said, zooming in on Phil’s face. “Like he understands every word.”

“He does understand! Look at him!”

Dan zoomed back out and aimed down at Goliath, showing him as he curled up in Phil’s lap, the ball still in his mouth. 

“I’m actually going to die, Phil. This image is going to kill me. Bury me in the garden, give me to the earth.”

Phil laughed. He began petting Goliath gently and, within a few seconds, Goliath was closing his eyes and falling asleep.

“Oh my God, the ball stays in his mouth even when he’s sleeping. Phil, you’re not allowed to move until he wakes up. I don’t care if I have to build you a chair for back support, you have to stay still.”

“You think he’s going to be the most spoiled dog in the world?” Phil asked, smiling over at Dan.

“I think he already is.”

 

**October 5, 2019**

“So, Phil’s got a cold,” Dan explained as he walked through the house, “and Goliath hasn’t left his side. Anytime Phil moves, Goliath goes with him. Look at this.” Dan switched the view to show Phil lying on the couch. Goliath was curled up beside him, with Phil’s arm around him so he wouldn’t fall off of the couch.

“Is this not the cutest shit you’ve ever seen?”

Phil looked over at Dan, smiling even though he looked like he felt terrible. “Anytime Goliath does anything you say it’s the cutest thing ever,” he said, his voice scratchy. 

“He’s constantly getting cuter somehow. I don’t make the rules here, Phil.”

Just then, Goliath turned his head so his chin was now resting on Phil’s chest.

“Oh my God,” Dan began.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Here we go.”

“This is the cutest thing-”

“You’ve ever seen,” Phil finished.

“You know you agree with me,” Dan said. “You’re just trying to play it cool for the camera.”

Phil looked at Goliath, reaching up and petting him on top of his head. “It might be the cold,” he said, “but it’s possible I’m one puppy-dog eyes look away from crying.”

“See!” Dan exclaimed. “You’re obsessed too. I swear this dog has taken over our lives,” he said, turning the camera back on himself. “Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think about deleting all of our channels and just having a DanandPhilandGoliath YouTube account?”

“Oh, I’ll get right on that as soon as the cold’s gone,” Phil replied.

Dan gave a thumbs up to the camera. “Look forward to that rebrand, guys!

 

**October 9, 2019**

“Okay, Dan’s going to kill me when he sees this but I have to show you all something,” Phil whispered as he walked into the bedroom. 

Dan was lying on the bed, sound asleep with Goliath lying on his chest. Dan’s hands were on Goliath’s sides, holding him so he wouldn’t fall.

“Anytime Dan takes a nap, this is what Goliath does. He’s the snuggliest dog in the entire universe.”

Phil backed out of the room, turning the camera on himself as he headed downstairs. “Dan and I have taken so many pictures of Goliath and we constantly go to share them on Instagram or Twitter and then we remember we can’t do that yet.”

Once Phil was in the living room, he sat down on the couch. “I can’t wait until I can put up pictures of him, although everyone will probably unfollow me because all I’ll be doing is sharing dog photos.”

Phil laughed, looking off to the side as a memory popped into his mind. “My parents came here a couple of days ago and they played with Goliath for hours. I didn’t think they’d care so much because they weren’t big dog people when I was growing up. They loved him though, and my mum actually bought him a handkerchief to go around his neck that says ‘favorite grandson’ on it. Dan did a whole photoshoot with that.”

Phil yawned and stretched his neck before continuing. “Anyway, I think that’s all. I basically just wanted to show you how cute Dan and Goliath looked. I may take a nap myself for a bit. So, future vlogging starts… now!”

 

**October 13, 2019**

“Look at him socializing,” Phil said, zooming in on Goliath. They were at the dog park, where Goliath was currently running around with a group of dogs.

“He’s so much better at it than we are,” Dan replied with a laugh. “We’d be in that corner over there, eating the grass.”

“He’s so outgoing,” Phil said, turning the camera so it was on him and Dan. “We were scared to bring him because of the big dogs, but he ran up to them like they were already best friends.”

“He’s going to have more friends than us, Phil,” Dan said, looking over at him with a smile. “He’s actually going to have a better social life than his parents.”

“Does that mean we’re going to have to socialize more too?” Phil asked.

“Seeing as we’re sitting on a bench while all the other dog parents talk to one another, I don’t think much will change for us.”

Phil nodded. “That’s true. I do think we’re possibly becoming doggy vloggers now. We haven’t filmed much this month that doesn’t have to do with Goliath.”

“I think as long as we don’t make him an Instagram, we’ll be okay.”

Phil was silent, causing Dan to look over at him again. “Phil?” He questioned before realization hit him. “Phil, no!”

“A Goliath Instagram would be so cute! Our tag line could be ‘On the go with Goliath’ and we could show his adventures.”

Dan sighed. “We’re helpless, Phil.”

 

**October 16, 2019**

“Phil, you’re going to fall and die,” Dan said, aiming the camera up at Phil. He was standing on top of the kitchen counter, replacing a lightbulb on the ceiling.

“I thought these lightbulbs were supposed to last like five years?” Phil questioned.

“Did you not hear me? You’re going to lean back too far and you’re going to die.”

“Yes, I heard you, Dan. I’m ignoring you.”

Goliath barked, causing Dan to look over at him with the camera. He was staring up at Phil, watching closely.

“Daddy’s not being safe, Goliath. Attack him.”

“That dog would never attack me,” Phil said as Dan turned the camera back to him. “And you calling me daddy still sounds weird even when you’re talking to the dog.”

“Oh, you don’t like when I call you daddy, Daddy?”

_ “Dan.” _

“Sorry, Daddy, I won’t do it again.”

“Oh my God.”

“Am I in trouble, Daddy?”

“Dan, when I fall to my death, know it wasn’t an accident.”

“Oh, wow,” Dan said. “What a harsh reaction to a fairly mild kink, Philly. Do we have some hidden issues there?”

“If I say yes, will you stop?”

“Um… Sure.”

“Then, yes.” Phil bent down, handing Dan the old light bulb. “Throw this away, please.”

“Anything you say… Daddy.”

“Ugh!”

 

**October 19, 2019**

“Hey, Phil?” Dan asked, holding the camera up so they’d both be in the shot. They were sitting on the couch, with Goliath lying between them. 

“Yeah?”

“Is there any reason for us to film today?”

Phil tapped a fanger against his chin as he thought. “Hmm… I don’t think so, no.”

“I didn’t think so either.”

“I mean, I have gotten a lot of tweets today,” Phil continued, picking up his phone and waving it back and forth a couple of times.

“Me too. What’s yours say?”

“Something about it being ten years since something happened, but I’m not totally sure what.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed. “That’s what mine’s about too.”

“I think it’s when I met a stalker or something. A fan that never went away.”

Dan nodded. “I think, for me, it’s when I met a guy I thought was really cool but he turned out to be kind of clingy.”

“Hey, you like that I’m clingy!” Phil exclaimed, giving Dan a poke on the shoulder.

“Oh, wait, that was you?” Dan asked, feigning shock.

Phil smiled. “You know, if they didn’t hate us before, they’ll definitely hate us after this.”

“I thought you said they wouldn’t hate us!” Dan said, his voice becoming high pitched.

“Well, there’s no way to know for sure.”

_ “Phil!” _

_ “Dan!” _

Dan sighed.  _ “Anyway,  _ we actually don’t do anything that special today. We’re going to order in food, and watch movies for a few hours. That’s about it. Do you have anything to add, Phil?” He asked, looking back at him.

“Um… Sometimes, it’s good to let stalkers in your house?”

_ “Phil!  _ No, don’t do that! Although, sometimes it’s the stalker that has to suffer.”

“Hey!”

 

**October 23, 2019**

“We made it!” Phil exclaimed. He and Dan were on the couch, sitting close together. Phil was sitting slightly behind Dan, with an arm resting over Dan’s shoulder. “Happy anniversary, Dan!”

Dan looked over at him. “It’s not our anniversary, Phil.”

“It’s our one year anniversary of filming!” He replied.

“Oh God! I can’t believe we actually filmed ourselves for an entire year!” Dan said with a laugh.

“I didn’t think we’d last a month,” Phil admitted. “But we did the whole year. Good thing I’ve edited it month by month.”

“Could you imagine having to do it all right now? It would never be posted.”

“That would be a nightmare. Thankfully, it’s mostly done already. I just have to do this last month.”

“It’ll be up soon then, won’t it?”

“Like a week, maybe less.”

Dan took a deep breath. “That’ll be interesting.”

“Are you excited?” Phil asked, patting Dan’s shoulder a couple of times. 

Dan bit at his bottom lip, then smiled slightly. “Yeah, I think so. You?”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

“Good. I guess that’s it for us then, right?”

“I guess so,” Phil agreed. “Unless you wanna do it for another year?”

“No!” Dan exclaimed quickly.

Phil laughed. “I think we’re done then. Final words?”

“Um, thank you guys for watching. This was probably a really lame video, but hopefully you enjoyed this ten years of Dan and Phil gift. It sounds weird to say we’re gifting ourselves to you, but you get it,” he said, waving the audience off. “We’re YouTubers, it’s what we do. Seriously though, we wouldn’t be able to do any of this without all of you, and we really are grateful. Along with the books we've made, and tour, and all the other things Phil and I have done together, this is just another thing for us to look back on in the future and be like ‘Whoa! We really did that!’ so that’s amazing." He looked over at Phil, "What about you, Phil?”

Phil scooted even closer to Dan. “I think you about said it. I’m really bad at this stuff. Um, thank you all, this was definitely an adventure and we hope you enjoyed it. Maybe we’ll do it again in ten more years? How’s that sound, Dan?”

Dan smiled. “I might be recovered by then.”

“It’s a plan.” Phil smiled into the camera and waved. “Bye, guys!”

“Bye!” 

They both reached out a hand and covered over the lens, the screen fading to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support while writing this story! It's been so much fun and I'm going to miss it!
> 
> Remember to come visit me on tumblr at softgolftechniques


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